MIN-ISM

A blissful nothingness

2012-01-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

I love this great big void of nothingness. It stands gaping before me, a huge yawning hole stretching into a deep abyss that looks as forbidding as it sounds. I wake up in the morning with a happy heart, looking forward to this endless nothingness of nothing that leaves me happy and contented.

It's none other than my holidays. My wonderfully leisurely holidays that consist of absolutely nothing. And I can't remember ever feeling so blissful in weeks. Not since school started and a great big bout of depression washed over me. Not since my schedule was turned upside down by the average maladies every student suffers from - tuitions, extra curricular activities, severe lack of sleep. Not since my life started to revolve around a place I loathe with every fibre of my being (school, duh).

It feels good, this holiday of utter nothingness, of sitting down on my arse with a good book in hand, of taking hours to make a simple meal (because I can), of sleeping for hours and not getting interrupted by an alarm clock reminding me of the horrors of school, of doing things I would probably never do should the school term begin again.

And I can't help but think - when will I ever feel this way again?

I've taken up a bajillion new commitments this year - Head of Communications for the Prefect Board, sub-editor for the Editorial Board, head of English Society, random AJK for volleyball, debate, Starstruck and so many more, I cannot even begin to count them with my fingers.

My life is weighed down by a million things to do. I'm forever creating new checklists but they never seem to be finished. All I'm left with at the end of the day is just an ounce of energy and a whole load of sapped out tiredness I cannot even begin to sleep off because of the everlasting time constraints my life seems to be built on.

I often ask myself why I go through all this but I don't really have an answer. Perhaps it's because I love all these things and I'm grabbing my opportunities whenever I can. Somehow these tiny shoulders of mine will have to bear the weight. God forbid I come out more stooped than I already am at the end of the year.

Life for me is as usual about over-achieving, reaching for the stars even if they're too far away and doing things I probably shouldn't but of which I'll do anyway. I'm THAT type of person, yes I am. I don't look like much (and I don't feel like much either) but I do ... much (because I can't count it y'know, not that I can't do grammar or anything lol).

So here I am, enjoying the remnants of my holidays before I dive head-first into a pool of misery. Brace yourself hun because the ride is not going to be one you will enjoy.

But it's all worth it ... right?

(By the way, this is not a complain post. I'm just ranting my head off and since this is my awesome space, I am very much allowed to do so, thank you)

XO!

Of new years and volleyballs!

2012-01-24T23:49:00.001+08:00

The sound of firecrackers wake you up first thing in the morning. Brass cymbals and drums make a fast rhythmic beat that thrums in your heart. The smell of good food, smooth red packets in your fingers and laughing relatives milling about - this is Chinese New Year. A time of prosperity they say but also a time for reunion, for loved ones to gather and for everyone's hopes and dreams to weigh down their wishes for a happy new year.

Chinese New Year for me is always quite a boring affair. It is a time when we all retire from our incredibly busy schedules, sit down and watch TV all day without feeling guilty. It is also a time for pigging out, when all health and medically related worries are thrown out the door. Cookies and other sinful whatnots make their way into our tummies and none of us feel any worse. In fact, with festive songs blaring in the background and childrens' laughter echoing in the rooms, everything is made all the more worthwhile.

This CNY, my family members were down with a bad bout of food poisoning. I was completely fine so all I did as they moaned and groaned from tummy pains was stuff my face with an entire jar of cookies all the while wondering what to eat next. Yup, I love CNY!

Happy Chinese New Year, everybuddy!

Pictures above are of me in my cheongsam. I think I look rather chubby in it TT (will most probably wear it again once I have gotten my supermodel body bahahaha)

Reunion dinner with the family :)

-

So just last week, the girls and I went for MSSD volleyball.

To be pretty honest, none of us were actually ready. Most of us have only been playing for about 7 months or so. In my case, I've been fooling around during volleyball all the time and suddenly everyone lands a huge bombshell on me by saying, "You. You're in the team and we're going for MSSD." and I'm all like *splutter splutter* "WHHAAAAATTTT???"

Initially, I begged to be a sub. "Nooo, I can't play for nuts. Please let me sit on the bleachers! I'd make a good cheerleader!" Needless to say, I got lots of death stares and lots of "Min Hui, shut up!"s. I got so freaked out and worried that I'd end up looking like a total loser on court (I still do though) that I began to start training endlessly. I became less of a fool in volleyball (still am though, hehe) and really, when I say I tried my best, I really did. I have LITERALLY shed blood (bruises and cuts count down they?), sweat (lots of it *shudder*) and tears (yes, I have) all in the name of the game.

If you want proof, you can very well see I'm as brown as brown can be. Yes, melanin has taken up camp in my skin and I will no longer *chokes back sob* ever be *more sob* fair again *breaks down*.

On a brighter note, everyone says I look less of a sickly kid now so um, yay! I look like a baked bun so that means I must look like a healthy kid. Yay again?

Best team mates in the whole wide world!

Super ugly morning faces when we first arrived at school :'(

Yeaaaaaah, that's me pretending to act all cool with a volleyball.

I also have really, really, really embarrassing photos of me that I am going to post because I am unashamed like that! Bahahahaha.

Um .. yeah ... well I'm not like that all the time .. I guess.

Everyone wished us luck for our volleyball expedition and honestly, I felt really touched but I also felt that we misled them to think that we were undefeatable! HAHAHA. Well, sadly, we were and yeah, we lost (miserably so). I didn't think we actually stood a chance against people who have been playing for years but I think we did well for ourselves.

Volleyball began as our own initiative. We don't have an official coach but a really awesome friend who's willing to teach us the ropes. We literally had no financial backup or any aid from the school. And we're the first team EVER from SMK USJ 12 to be sent for MSSD volleyball. Thing is, we all began playing for fun and little did we know it would somehow escalate into a school team and a club at most. So, honestly, I think we've won the bigger battle ourselves. And I couldn't be prouder of my awesome friends ;)

Well, that's it for now. Happy CNY once again to all of you!

XO!

Life and expletives

2012-01-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

I've been cursing far too much lately, more than is mentally healthy but really, there is no other word that describes life best than a well-spoken expletive. People think it's not right at all for a girl to curse - especially a 'cute little one' like me (vomits) but even cute little girls have problems in life. And these problems can only be summed up by a bloody good curse of course.

It's just instinctive really for my tongue to do the work and spew something horribly unpleasant out. After all, I live in a household where expletives and the sort are completely normal so you can't blame the poor bugger (my tongue, I mean. Yes, I did just call my tongue a poor bugger wtf). Each and everyday, something 'wonderful' and beneficial for my dying sanity is bound to crop up and there is little choice left but to say ... FML (in real words lah of course).

So here I am, a little cranked up from the week's many bitter happenings, a little on the grumpy side (Lie, I am very grumpy) and whining more than I should. But after everything that has happened this week, from watching almost everything I have truly loved crumble and die a slow, torturous death to dealing with the world's most difficult people, I am exhausted and I am drained. So here it is, the little precipice that keeps me from falling dangerously into the pit of mental disorders ... FUCK.

:)

YAY, EXPLETIVES AND THEIR MAGICAL EFFECTS!

Okay, that was a weird, weird statement so please ignore me and yes, you may revel at the happiness and excitement my face so wonderfully radiates in the picture above.

Or you may throw a shoe at me for being a total nutcase in this post today. Either way works except that I may fling that shoe back a little harder.

****

So just last week, I worked as a promoter for Stuff@School at the Star Edu fair in KLCC. Let me just tell you one thing before I begin ... being a promoter is one hell of a tough job. I imagine the best promoters out there must have the thickest skin to deal with all the weird people out in the world. I am pretty thick-skinned myself but really, this job ... this job is like no other.

People are mean, hostile and rude. They cut you off abruptly and are just plain disinterested. I understand that everyone's views on salesmen and the like are never too positive but really, cut these people some slack. They've gotta work and they've got something to sell.

In this case, I was barely even selling anything. Just giving out editions of Stuff@School for free and trying to rope in anybody at all who would be mildly interested in our journalistic plight. I only got a handful but they made my day just by being interested (and feigning interest) in my work.

So here's a public service message for all of you: When someone gives you a flier, JUST TAKE IT. You can go home and burn it/recycle it/use it as toilet paper and do whatever you like but just take it. Don't ignore the person (that's the most painful one of all). Don't shake your head and say no (really, where is the harm in taking a bloody flier? In this case it was a newspaper so it was a 100x better and still people said no wtf).

But still, no hard feelings la. Just that, this job is utterly emotionally and physically draining but you know what? I kinda enjoyed it! That feeling when somebody accepts your newspaper (with a smile) ... that's an awesome feeling right there.

Overly perky me promoting Stuff@School!

And yes, I WAS really perky. I realise people like happy people so I was all smiles and saying "Have a nice day!" in my uber-ly squeaky voice. It didn't receive the best of receptions but it did receive some positive ones. Even if I was scowling on the inside, I plastered a smile on my face and tried my best and I do hope I did not come off as annoying (omg wtf noooo!).

'Workers' for the day! This is only one half of my Starstruck! members. Most of them are Form Five and will no longer write with me and pull my hair out with me and whine with me on assignments. Honestly, I'll miss them and all the craziness they bring to Starstruck! If you guys need good, witty and utterly insane conversation, they're the people to talk to.

And look, I am on the cover of Stuff@School!

I gave out this first edition to everyone and I couldn't help pointing out that my face was there (hehehe). Some people were impressed and others were just like 'O rly nah I don't give a shit' so ... yeah. But who cares! It was really fun posing for the cover and a little weird and forced too wtf. I was making really fake laughs at the time which just made my stance all the more awkward (I do look pretty weird there lol).

And yes, to all those out there who loathe pink - feast your eyes!

Well yes, this is my EXTREMELY pink room after being painted. I do realise I did go a little overboard with the colour but really, it's not THAT pink as it is in the picture (I think). The reason behind my crazy little colour obsession is that my room was initially a lilac purple. I mean, purple's my favourite colour and all that but it was just SAD. I wanted to walk into my room and feel happy instantly. Hence the pink :)

I'll be installing a huge new wardrobe (finally!) and wallpaper-ing half the walls so it won't be THAT bad :)You guys can all stop gaping in horror at me even though my room does look like someone chewed a gigantic bubble gum and popped it in the room by accident wtf.

That's all for now and don't worry, I'll be back soon once everything settles down (if it ever does). I have a million commitments this year even though I hate school or really what's left of what it used to be. Le sigh.

Oh well, nothing a curse can't solve.

XO!

2012 is here!

2012-01-03T10:59:00.001+08:00

Holy shit, it's 2012.

To be honest, if it wasn't for that darn blockbuster movie that depicted the end of the world during 2012, I'd be a whole lot more optimistic. But half of my depression also comes from the fact that every person I know can't stop talking about SPM and just how hard you have to study for it. Like people, please shut up because you never know who you're driving to suicide (me) because they haven't bothered studying at all or thinking about studies during the holidays (also me).

Yeah, life is pretty great right now (not).

It seemed to me during my younger years that Form 5 would always be a millennium away. I also always jokingly tell myself that I probably won't live that long (IKR, I am so pessimistic). But it's here and well, it feels horrible.

But I'll try and be optimistic and look at things in a brighter view (pretty impossible but yeah) so um, yeah, YAY FORM 5 OMG THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE AH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

(sigh)

****

I spent New Year's Eve with the volleyball gang. It was actually my first time celebrating it with my friends because all these years I've been stuck at home watching the silly countdowns on TV and trying to be happy about it (only to fail miserably). But this year it was a pretty great celebration.

I think it was one of the cutest too because everyone cooked their own food (I'm serious) and we even took the liberty to decorate the house!

Weng Ni and Jin Jun with their sandwiches ;)

Chef Loo and Chef Lau in the house!

Failed sexy look he was attempting.

Jin Jun and Nicholas making our banner! They were measuring everything so precisely as if it was rocket science. Crazy people.

My masterpiece, y'all!

Weng Ni!

Qi En, Fui and my finger :)

One half of the twins.

Super no face moment. Everyone was laughing at how red I became but I was seriously embarrassed TT

The food we cooked!

"If God could make a sandwich, this would be the sandwich." Quote by me hahaha.

With the girls!

And the guys! :)

Potato au gratin I made. It was really good (as usual :p)

Spot me trolling yo!

Spot the twins' dad photobombing at the back HAHAHAHA.

Hokkaido cupcakes! Who knew our coach could bake?!

Retard.

Yup, it was a great New Year's Eve that I had ;)

I hope the twins didn't get in trouble because the confetti from the Party Popper we popped sort of flew into their neighbour's yard, hahaha.

****

Anyways, I don't know why but every time a new year comes in, I always start to feel depressed. It's been the same all these years and most of the time, I've been horribly sad. SPM is only, well, a few months away and yes the thought does make me want to jump off a cliff (in glee wtf). It seems to me that life only gets harder from here on out. I've been weathering so much for so long, I wonder if this final challenge will get the better of me.

We'll just have to find out.

In the meantime, happy new year once again guys and all the best in your endeavours this year.

p/s: OH MY GOD I STILL HAVEN'T MADE ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS YET TT

XO!

Hello 2012, goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T15:42:00.000+08:00

Time flies. It really does.

I'll be seventeen soon but I still feel (and look, unfortunately) like a seven year old. All I want to do is pretend that I'm STILL seven, that my biggest dilemma is that I dropped my Barbie doll into the toilet bowl (true fact), that my worries can be solved with a single ice-cream, my homework takes only 5 measly minutes and my friends were as naive as I am.

But all that has changed. I'm no longer a little girl but gosh it would feel great to be one all over again.

For me, 2011 has been a year of great achievements. All I did this year was work and work and work all the while chanting words of encouragement in my head. I've wanted so much all these previous years but life seemed really stingy with its lemons. Finally turning sixteen, life apparently decided to release all the lemons it has stolen from me, bringing with it a huge tidal wave (of lemons) and well, I made darn good lemonade out of it, I must say.

I've achieved so many things that I've always dreamed of achieving. Somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I always told myself it'd be impossible (IMPOSSIBRUUUUU! Wtf I'm so addicted to 9gag memes now) but now I know, that with a whole lot of hard work, anything - anything at all - is possible.

So here are the few things that I've really committed myself to this year. These are things I love, things I'm proud of, things I don't regret being a part of.

PREFECT BOARD

Nobody understands my love for the prefect board. They raise their eyebrows at my commitment, scoff when I declare my love for it and think I'm an absolute power-loving nuthead.

I've been a prefect for almost 4 years now (five tomorrow wtf) and well, I always say this and I'll say it again: I don't know who or what I'll be if it wasn't for the prefect board. You may think it's pretty lifeless but the prefect board has given me responsibilities that has only made me a more capable person (which by the way is pretty darn hard to do because I'm just a total blur head like that), prepared me for so many challenges and instilled in me the determination I apply for everything else that I do.

Honestly, I'm not the type who listens. If I was not a prefect, you'd probably find me in the BBI everyday, I can assure you of that. For some reason, I think the prefect board has saved me from that fate. And I am happy for that because I'm not sure I'd like the person I'd become if I was not a prefect.

Yeah, this is our board of AJKs and we're like that ... most of the time.

The prefect board has given me so many things and among them - friends I really cherish. Four years of hard work, slaving together and yet, we little truants still had all the fun in the world! I feel like we're a wonderful close-knit family who have never given up on each other.

For the most part though, I've felt frustrated most of the time too because I feel like we're always at the receiving end of lots and lots of crap. We're taken for granted when half the time we're doing all the dirty work and barely even complaining about it. But well, that's another story for another day I guess.

Being a part of the board has come with lots of responsibilities. I spent one half of this year doing nothing but planning events, cracking my head for new ideas and working really really hard. I've been all stressed-up and depressed and while, it does seem a little like torture, I've emerged prouder of myself than ever.

I've also done a lot of emcee-ing thanks to the prefect board. By the way, this is the ONLY decent picture of myself speaking up front because the rest are just plain unflattering. Sigh.

Favourite highlight of the year seeing everyone dressed up so hilariously during one of the best camps I've ever been to. I was Rosie from Phua Chu Kang and our play won first! (Yes I just had to say that)

And that's me staying up at ungodly hours in the morning just to scare the wits out of the participants during camp. (Their faces were EPIC and so were their screams. Hehehe)

Yup this is my prefect board of which I've slaved for the past 4 years and while next year, it will go through changes I'm not too keen about, I'm still sticking through it right till the end :)

EDITORIAL BOARD

Ah, the Ed Board. The redaksi. The asylum. The house of none too sane people.

I've had more fun than I can count in the redaksi. Indeed, it's a place of much laughter and while change has completely taken over our board, I still love it to bits and pieces. I still love writing for the magazine because I feel like my pieces don't get judged and I can let loose completely, I still love entering the crazy room filled with crazy people and I still love being a part of it. I've slaved a lot this year along with David (seems like our butts are permanently stuck to the plastic chairs there) but it's all good because I've learned a great deal too.

STARSTRUCK!

To see yourself getting published, to see your name written on the byline - that feeling is incredible for me. Being a part of Starstruck! and writing for the paper has been one great journalistic experience I don't regret doing. Even though writing still makes me curse and release expletives no one would like to hear, it's a huge part of my life and one I won't give up for anything in the world.

I've met great friends who live halfway across Malaysia and who make me laugh until tears are brimming in my eyes. In fact, it feels almost like a great second family bound together by a strange love for words.

I've also met and interviewed hot celebs for Starstruck! (hehehe)

Indeed, being a Starstruck! writer has been one of my biggest accomplishments. I've dreamt of that one-month internship for the entire year and finally, finally getting it has been utterly and inexplicably awesome. (Yeah, imagine spending an entire year slogging it out just for ONE job hahaha)

VOLLEYBALL

This is something huge for me too because honestly, people like me just don't play sports. Sweating, gasping, trying not to die - really not my thing. Everyone knows I'm not that type of person and actually picking up a sport is well ... A BLOODY HUGE ACHIEVEMENT OK.

I mean, I jog and I swim on and off but for volleyball, I'm at the court almost every bloody day. But even after all that, I still scream like I'm about to give birth whenever the ball is coming. So unladylike :(

COMMUNIST VOLLEYBALL TEAM, WADDUP?!

I've joined some other competitions this year. Among them, debate and Scrabble. I'm not entirely swell at either of them but I tried and I liked it. Throughout this year, I've had the "You don't know unless you try" mentality and honestly, even though I have cursed it one too many times, I think it has made me a better person (by just a little bit lah. I'm still selfish and hypocritical and all that)

And then there are the people who make almost everything worthwhile:

I look back on 2011, on the memories lost and kept, on the friendships made and broken, of the mixture of emotions that have accompanied me through it all with a fond heart. It'll be 2012 next year (hopefully, not the end of the world wtf) and I only look forward to making it a year as fortunate as 2011.

Well, happy new year everyone! :)

XO!

I'm small and I know it

2011-12-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

I am ~~short~~ small. And I know it.

No, ladies and gentlemen, this is not a LMFAO song I just ingeniously switched to suit my physically challenged self. It is actually, a very sad fact of my life that I have been living with for the past few years when the sinking realisation dawned on me that I will no longer grow. Not even the most miserable of inches.

When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a tall, hot, glamorous gorgeous girl. Now I am all those things except that tall hasn't been ticked off the checklist yet. Okay okay, I kid. I am neither hot, glamorous and gorgeous definitely not tall. (And yes that does sadden me a little but that's okay, I still think I'm beautiful the way I am. You are welcome to shoot me for my narcissism)

So yes, here I am, sixteen and still a five foot zero. Okay, wait. I'm not entirely sure if I am five feet at all. I could be four feet nine *gasp* Or less *gaaaaasssssppp*

I have never really bothered measuring before. My heart will ache too much if I do. I guess sometimes it's best not knowing.

But yeah, I'm short and I'm perfectly aware of it.

And since I am so, I don't understand why everyone I know has to point it out all the time. I don't see why they have to keep telling me the fact that I'm short when it is so blatantly obvious. The worst part is, they always say it like it is a crime.

Like it is a crime that I was born this way.

It infuriates me a little because I did not choose to be stuck all the way down here, I did not press a stop button on my growth and I certainly did not know I would ever be as tiny as this.

And most of all, I certainly do not enjoy being teased about my height.

To everyone who has ever insulted me over it, here's something you might like to know. I may be small but there is no reason for you to stereotype me, to generalise me and to make fun of me. I may not tower over people's heads but that does not mean you have an advantage over me. I may not be bigger than you but that does not mean you are better than I am. I may not have legs that go on forever ... but I have legs.

And I am grateful for that.

I take everyone's words very lightly. In fact, very little affect me at all. Over the years, I've built up walls of resilience that laugh off everything but sometimes, just sometimes, it can get to me you know. After all, I'm human too. And though I display very little of my deepest emotions (most of the time none at all), I do have feelings and they are hurt.

Just the other day I discovered something on one of the notes I brought back from camp. During camp reunions, we write each other notes for us to take back as memories and I had an anonymous one saying "Go learn to skip the rope. You'll need it." On other days, I'd snort. It's all in good humour albeit the fact that I must admit that it is very distasteful.

But not on that day. In fact, I felt so put down by it that in the heat of the moment, I grabbed my marker pen and blacked it out completely.

It was just a harmless note written with no malicious intention but on that day, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm not saying I don't want anybody to tease me at all. I know I don't deserve to be given that sort of treatment and I know that people are going to continue doing it for I am no such angel either and I do my fair share of teasing too.

It's just that I want people to know that other people - people who may not be short but obese, mentally-challenged, diseased, living in broken homes - may not brush it off lightly. They may not laugh at your words. They may not go along with your jokes.

They may go home and sob their hearts out. They may fall into depression. They may turn to suicide.

Of course I'm not going to do any such thing. I do realise there are much serious cases out there but well, even the mildest ones has its own impact.

(I also have feet problem which most of the time disallows me from wearing heels so I guess my height won't be boosted very much in the future *sighs*)

I am small, I am short and I am tiny but dear god, I am happy for all of that. I am happy that I was born with a body that functions well. I am happy that I have been given limbs that work. I am happy that I can run, walk, sing, dance, read, laugh and do all the things I can do.

I just want to say that, tiny as I am, I am unfazed. I care about what people say but don't care enough to be affected by it. It's just that I want them to know that I am born this way and teasing me over my genes, my roots, my origin is something that will never benefit you.

And oh, don't bother asking me just how 'tall' I am. I really really really have not measured my height. (I have been lying in all the school reports these years)

So yeah, I'm short. No numbers, no nothing. And I am proud of it :)

XO!

End of the Starstruck! journey

2011-12-26T01:12:00.012+08:00

Merry Christmas readers!

Yes, this also means that I just spent my Christmas night miserably stringing together a blog post. Yes, this means I did not party the night through (In fact, the saddest thing was I thought I had a Christmas party tonight and I found out at the very last minute that it was in fact, the next day so thank god I hadn't gone yet). And yes, I did not spend my Christmas at camp.

Camp.

I was forbidden to go. (The horror!) Well, fine, my mother has every valid reason not to allow me since I'm as sick as a pig and have been for the past few days. But still ... I've been dying to go to YDC and this is what happens...

My life is sad. Sitting here writing this blog post on Christmas is sad. Thinking of not being at YDC is sad. So, so sad.

But on a brighter note (I hope), here is a blog post! I know I have certain droughts when I begin to pretend that my blog doesn't exist but I make up for it with long posts like these. And also, you must know, dear readers (if I have any at all lah), that I use codes for my pictures (don't know why myself) and oh my god, they are the most annoying things on earth.

Yes, what patience I have.

So you will all be grateful and read this wonderfully enlightening blog post. Or leave.

Kidding! ... Or was I?

Alright, I'm being thoroughly lame. That's what happens when I'm feeling sad. I crack the dumbest jokes to make myself laugh which most of the time works (terrible sense of humour I have).

Sigh.

***

So if you all didn't know I've been in this programme called Starstruck! where I write for a special (yes, special) pullout for schools and get published etc. I've been offered an internship at The Star publications for a month and well, it has no doubt been eventful. But alas, all good things come to an end and now, I am officially unemployed wtf.

I spent my last week at the Education desk (initially Business but I got transferred, thank god) and our assignment was Smart Snacks! We rung up a few colleges and asked if we could meet their chefs to make dummy snacks that students (as wonderfully incapable as I am) can make.

And while my lovelife has been non-existent for awhile (I like it that way. No I'm not being in denial nor am I trying to cover up the fact that I have no boyfriends. I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT ONE. Okay, unnecessary point taken), I have actually found meself an admirer! And by golly, is he a hunk!

Okay, well, a girl can dream.

This is me being completely jakun-ish outside the lift at Berjaya Times Square.

We were supposed to go to the culinary arts school but got somehow lost along the way. Thankfully, these really nice aunties and uncles who heard us whining about getting on the wrong lift in the wrong wing directed us. And oh, we were also really really late.

So of course, three worried interns (Ann, Amanda and I) broke into a run (for me it was an ungraceful sprint wtf). At the time, the Berjaya hotel was giving this free lunch thing so this uncle from the lift thought we were actually running for the food!

He was all "Hey girls, take it easy! The food's not gonna run away!" I didn't really have the time to reply him so all I said as I zoomed past was "No no no no no!" When I turned around he was still looking at us as if we were teenage gluttons.

Sigh.

But well, in any case, we were of course gluttons since we ate a lot more later on. We met Chef Jochen Kern (only MasterChef in Malaysia!) who is EXTREMELY HILARIOUS. He is 62-years-old and cracks jokes that make me laugh my head off!

He cooked this awesome dish called a Happy Turkey Dog (wtf so cute right). At one point he actually put his ear to the dish and stopped. We were all hesitant ("Err, what is he doing?") and then suddenly he gets up and says "Yup, it's happy!"

Happy person nomming on Happy Turkey Dog. It was really really really really goooooooooood.

Chef Jochen Kern working his magic right there!

One of my favourite moments was when Amanda said she was vegetarian and couldn't eat the turkey. He stared at her as if she was crazy and said "BANANAS ARE VEGETABLES!" (since banana was part of the dish) like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Hilarious much.

Three of us being jakun outside the culinary arts kitchen.

Oh and that's me being positively retarded with this cash card I got at a food court. I was starving my socks off that day.

(Pictures courtesy of Ann-Marie)

We also went to Parliament where I fell asleep on their none too comfortable chairs. We got reprimanded for that of which I found a little ridiculous since the ministers themselves were asleep in the meeting! *splutters indignantly*

And Jeanette lent me her five inch stilettos just so I could enter Parliament and needless to say, I did a lot of hobbling and awkward walking. Michelle and I were left so far behind that at one point, I took off the shoes and ran across the carpet! Imagine what the ministers would have said if they had seen my shoe-less dash!

But oh they couldn't possibly because they're .... FAST ASLEEP! :p

We celebrated Kyle and Amanda's birthday at TGIF. It was one crazy outing with almost 30 Starstruckers taking up the tables. We made them sing Friday at the top of their lungs. The waiters must have loathed us sooooo much.

***

So, on Friday we were to head for the Young News Network which is a video journalism camp. It began with a one-day workshop at Menara Star for us newbies.

That's me practicing my script with an orange juice bottle as my microphone and Alicia holding up the recorder.

Inside joke between the interns made into a story. Princess Fiona is someone we all have a mutual loathing for by the way. (No lah, not actually loathing but the princess started it first so let us all be as evil and mean as she) Long long story.

I was supposed to narrate our short storyboard and I was playing both narrator and Princess Fiona herself.

I had Amanda and Wee Nie as my props and they had to make themselves take shape as buildings.

At one point I said through gritted teeth, "Make an igloo! Make an igloo!"

And this was what Wee Nie did. I swear this still leaves me in stitches. Why is my igloo so funny? HAHAHAHA

(Picture courtesy of Le Shea)

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Great Wall of China! We have Wee Nie and Amanda planking to represent the Great Wall and me as the retarded tourist.

(Picture courtesy of Manson)

The next day we began our two and a half hour ride to 8 Acres, Pahang where YNN will be held.

And this is me being all retarded in the bus. June is staring at my bun like she really wants it. And yes, we were provided those buns. I did not bring them hahahaha.

When we arrived, there was a slight drizzle so we were given these ~~trash bags~~ rain coats. And like the fashionistas that we were, we paraded them ever so proudly!

Yup, raincoat is in this season. Get one from your nearest kedai runcit, all!

(Pictures courtesy of Amanda)

8 Acres is actually a really beautiful place. There's a huge lake with lotuses infesting half of it complete with a duck who sleeps on a rock in the middle. There's a big waterfall and we have to cross the river just to get there. And by crossing the river I mean literally going over the rock beds.

And then there's ~~mosquitoes~~ nature all around you that you can't help but feel stunned into awestruck idiocy.

This is the gorgeous bungalow where we carried out our activities.

Sadly, we did not stay here.

No, we did not. WE STAYED IN TENTS. Let me say it again ... TENTS. *shudder*

I am a horribly claustrophobic person and am in no way, fit to stay in a thing made entirely out of canvas cloth that is dark and tiny, smells too musty and is in the middle of a forest. But I sucked it up because I am just that great a sport.

However, in the middle of the night, I woke up to find it all dark and stiflingly hot. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see and I was thinking of my bed. It was all I could do from crying and running out of that tent in terror. I woke my poor tent mates up (I feel bad for constantly ruining their sleep) and asked for a light. I then spent the rest of the night hyperventilating and staring out through the tent flap.

Yup, I barely slept. Gah, tents. Never approaching one in my entire life again.

And oh, in order to get up on the hill, you need a jeep! It's a bumpy, rocky road and sitting in the back of an open-air jeep is really really cool. You get hit in the face by stray tree trunks and leaves and get all rolled around in the back. Our driver played 70's songs so we sang them while we got squished. Fun, I would say.

Hehehe

My group (Bananas was the name and yes that was my idea) was given the assignment of the fruit trading business in Pahang. It was the durian season then so needless to say, durians were every bloody where. On the trees above my tent (if any of those bloody durians had come hurtling down towards us, that would have been the last straw), behind the kitchens, in all of the fruit stalls, in everyone's mouths and ... yeah you get the point.

I for one, hate durians so I gave them a wide berth. Unfortunately, I was the stand upper (in other words the host) for my team's video so I had to act as if I loved the horrible prickly things. I even had to be filmed eating one and let's just say I did not look too good. I was all red in the face and had accidentally (in a sudden wash of foolish bravery) eaten far too big a bite. I was all ready to puke and thank god, THAT was not filmed.

I say I did a good job at acting as if I liked the thorny horrors. In this picture, I was actually trembling inside, afraid I'd drop it and end up dying. Haha okay so maybe I'm exaggerating but this stuff looks really lethal okay!

(Picture courtesy of Amber)

Yup, like I said ... durians every bloody where.

Since I was the host, I was relatively free when we werre not filming. I spent most of my time camwhoring and basically stoning or trying to clock in as much sleep as possible before I returned to the horrifying confines of the tent at night.

Oh look, there are my feet! They're all brown from where I got stuck in the mud. The mud NEVER washes off, ever!

(Picture courtesy of Le Shea)

Let me just say that the entire place is a freaking mud pool. Since it's constantly drizzling, the mud is always well, always there. And it doesn't matter where you go, you will end up splattered in it. There was one time where I got stuck (completely) with my feet glued into the mud. I couldn't move, I couldn't even do anything at all. Desperate and fuming, I had to use my fingers to dislodge my slippers and feet from the mud (yuck!) and all the while, Michelle laughed her head off. This is the part where she says "I HELPED!" indignantly. Hahahaha.

Michelle, Le Shea, Chelsea trolling and me :)

I have all these funny pictures of Michelle in my camera :p

A dead, dried-up frog! When I took this, I didn't know my camera was on self-timer so when my camera um, self-times, it takes 5 pictures in one go.

So I have five pictures of this dead frog.

If you look closely, you can see a duck and a bunny. And they are eating together! SOOOO CUTEEEEE!

Ann Marie, Wee Nie, me, Le Shea and Michelle.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

Trolls behind me.

Amanda and Alicia working on our video!

Wee Nie being all glamorous.

Yen Ni wants in on the glamour too!

And you know what? Team Bananas actually won!

They sort of voted me as the "Best Stand Upper". These people flatter me too much *blush* HAHAHAHA.

And yup, that's it for YNN.

There's definitely more I can take back from it other than my now permanently mud-stained flip flops and my increased claustrophobia. It has been a great experience by far.

With the internship and everything else over, I feel as if my life's a tad bit emptier. I will miss everyone cursing with 'Cepumas', I will miss pigging out at the cafeteria, I will miss making mean jokes about the princess, I will miss getting assignments and writing them, I will miss my Starstruck! friends, I will miss it all.

Being an intern at the raw age of sixteen at one of the biggest publishing firms in Malaysia is a mean feat alright. I have been exposed to so many new and wonderful things, I can barely begin to comprehend them. Indeed, in this past month, I've become a little more savvy (just a little, I'm still as hopelessly blur as ever), I've become a better writer (I guess) and I've become a little happier. I feel like I've achieved so much. I am grateful that I have been given this golden opportunity and I do not regret every moment I have spent interning.

All good things will inevitably eventually come to an end and I am proud to say that it has ended well.

Here's to being a part of Starstruck! I have loved and cherished every single moment of it :)

XO!

The Starstruck! journey

2011-12-21T23:36:00.003+08:00

It has been a long, long journey.

On the way, friendships were founded, laughter was rife, tears were inevitable and words - lots of and lots of words - were written.

In the beginning, it was all a multitude of exhilaration. Getting published, conducting interviews, writing articles for a nationwide paper - it all seemed so overwhelming. It was not just words and the happiness of seeing our bylines on paper that drove us but I think, friendship too.

Some of us were left behind, some of us went forward. But nevertheless, none of us regretted being a part of this wonderful thing. For 40 young aspiring writers, this was the best thing that ever happened to us. And for me, it still is.

There I was, not too long ago, going utterly crazy over an interview with a certain celebrity. And it was not too long ago either that I sat at my computer screen whining over having writer's block. And I remember, not too long ago that I met 39 other wonderful writers from all over Malaysia.

And of course, the grand prize. It was the internship that motivated me to write all the articles I wrote. An internship! At The Star! At the age of sixteen! It seemed so surreal, so untrue. After all, how could it be? And by some act of a miracle, I found the internship in my hands.

I spent a month with some of the most wonderful Starstruck! writers who made me laugh and made my day. I went out for assignments, did the silliest things, tried to look cool in a crowd of overly-posh people and well, simply had fun. I wrote articles till I wanted to pull my hair out in clumps. I talked to people who also made me want to pull my hair out in clumps. All in all, it's been an experience I would never want to trade.

And now that it's over, I can't help but feel a little remorseful. I miss the first batch of interns who weathered it out through the first few weeks with me. I miss the other interns who'd strut into the office daily and make a ruckus. I miss going to work and eating at the cafeteria, punishing myself for eating too much by going up the stairs, zapping myself in to the office, clacking away at the terminals, stalking random people on the office computers ... and the list goes on and on.

I've signed up for another year of utter craziness but I'll never forget all the great things that happened this year. It has been nothing but a long, long journey but one I do not regret.

And yes, I don't regret being Starstruck! at all. (although some random girl on Facebook actually called us a cult. Someone please shoot her)

XO!

Are you a Malaysian Girl?

2011-12-15T15:40:00.001+08:00

Lights, action, glamour! Malaysian Girls the musical was definitely all that but with a decidedly Malaysian twist to it all.

Here's a real taste of our home country put out on the stage live, complete with the Manglish accents (to leave the lah's out would be a crime) and all of the traits we find so common in our fellow Malaysians.

If anything else, I would say that the plot was undoubtedly original. You can't go much further than that when you have 14 Malaysian girls (most of them were portrayed as exceedingly daft oh why oh why) and a female antagonist as well as a bunch of Malaysian male intruders.

The script was hardly witty (after all wit is not Malaysia's best talent) but I would think that it was truly Malaysia and nothing else.

The plot revolves around Serenity Billion, founder of the Malaysian Girls pageant who mourns the death of her partner Cikgu Samsara Jaya. Into the picture comes Jasmin Hibiscus (I know right, what is with these names?) and Ray Sanjay who wants to turn Malaysian Girls into a bigger picture.

Then there are the bimbotic finalists and also the Australian beauty pageant queen and bam, you have a musical coupled with lots and lots of drama!

I'm not about to ruin it for all you people out there, in case you throw eggs (or worse) at me. The rest is for you to find out.

I also have two free tickets (I think they're free) so if any of you are interested in some Malaysian Girls (hahaha wtf), come get them from me :)

It'll be showing from the 10th to the 30th December at Pentas 1, KLPAC. Support your Malaysian arts scene now!

XO!

Internship Week 2 and 3

2011-12-09T23:28:00.001+08:00

(This blog is currently going through revamp mode so in the meantime, please bear with the purpleness)

Greetings from Menara Star!

Okay, I kid. I'm merely blogging from home.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that today has been the most leisurely morning I have ever had since my holidays begun. Not like you care but certainly I do. I've spent all of my weekends dragging my butt out of bed at ungodly hours in the morning to go for volleyball. (I can tell you that that is a whole lot of willpower right there! Where is my award?!) And on weekdays when I have to go for work ... why, the dread that fills me makes me want to throw my alarm clock out the window for even existing in my life.

But nevertheless, I think lovely Saturday mornings like these where I take nearly two hours to make my breakfast (no kidding) and another hour to eat it (still not kidding) makes it all the more worthwhile :)

So I've squashed two weeks of my crazy internship into a single post no thanks to the fact that I'm a complete slob when it comes to blogging and that I simply have no time for anything at all. And, if you haven't noticed, I try to take a picture of myself everyday just for that. Well, mostly its just Instagram pictures taken from my iPad because I'm too lazy to whip my camera out and honestly, who can deny Instagram and its prettiness?!

Well, here goes!

This is the News Desk. I took this in the wee hours of the morning (I kid, it was only 9:30). The office is pretty dead in the mornings. In fact, it's really dead and would be much dead-er if it weren't for us interns clacking away at the terminals.

Internship Day 6:

Wore a skirt to work. I know right, A SKIRT. Like one of those office skirts that I always shudder when I see but yes, I wore one of THOSE skirts.

And I didn't die.

Sorry I just have this thing about office clothes for fear of looking like an OL (office lady wtf) but I find I'm pretty attuned to it now. I think.

Our assignment for that day was the ASEAN Heritage Food Trail launch at the Palace of Golden Horses. Paik Suan and I saw Chef Wan there and I had to do a lot of convincing to finally get here to go up there and ask for a picture with him. I didn't ask for one though and I honestly don't know why.

But here's a stalker picture of Chef Wan from the back, bahahaha.

At the end, Paik Suan and I had to take a really terrifying cab ride back. I was thoroughly convinced that the cab driver was a rapist/thief/evil person in disguise but we reached safely (thank god!). But I remained really tense because that's just how scary it can get with two girls in a musty old cab that's rattling at a speed that is not designed for it.

I hate cabs.

Internship Day 7:

We had a beauty assignment for the day and I was EXTREMELY pumped up about it. It was a real bummer that we had to miss a free screening of Muppets but I think this made up for it.

We had to interview this lady who is one of the people behind a 100% natural skincare line called Living Nature. The shop smelled really good and I was tempted to exercise my shoplifting skills (I kid, I kid!). The problem was that this lady - who is really nice - was a New Zealander with an accent. And while I can impersonate a few accents (British, American, Mexican, Jamaican, pick whatever you like), I was entirely clueless with hers.

And then she began spewing some crazy scientific terms and all these names of plants from New Zealand and I was all O___O I ended up stoning at the end because that's just how hopeless I am.

I wrote the article mostly from the brochures and what I could make up from my hideous handwriting but it worked out fine :)

And oh, we received a free product! :D

Intermship Day 8:

Well, if I could sum up the 8th day of my internship, I simply can't.

It was, to me, this crazy blend of ludicrousness and ridiculousness (whatever, they mean the same thing) and all I can do about it is just laugh. And not the sort of HAHAHAHA OMG SO FUNNY laugh but more of the like OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS sort of laugh.

All four of us were sent to the complaints department at the MCA building.

The first complainant's story was by all means confusing. I think I am STILL confused about it. But there was this one moment where she actually mentioned that her husband scolded her for saying the f word and she did actually say the f word in all of it's wonderful glory in the room. I swear, everyone's head whipped up and was like "Whuuut?" At that point, I was really trying not to laugh. Now that's a whole lot of resistance right there, if you ask me.

And then the next case was of two missing persons. One of them was a 14-year-old girl whose mother was holding a picture of her in which she was posing like any lala girl would. I was almost spluttering in rage (okay, no I was not). Here is a 14-year-old girl who could be god knows where and there's a picture of her which makes her look like any other girl you would come across in KL. Heck, she would look like any girl in the whole of Malaysia!

And though I feel really sorry for her mom, I really do, all I'm thinking is "Seriously? That's the only picture you have?"

But I would say that it being my first time going there, that it was a really good-slash-hilarious-slash-eye-opening experience. Well, of course how could I forget the security guard who was standing stock-still with a sombrero on his head. Truly touche. I was impressed.

And well, I must say that politicians aren't all what they make themselves out to be.

Internship Day 9:

It was sadly our last day at the News Desk :(

On that day, we went to the National Art Gallery to report about a launch or something like that, I wasn't too sure since the event started extremely late and by that time, I was already nodding off. I know right, I'm terrible.

We were there pretty early so we explored the entire gallery. I saw some really disturbing art pieces and lots and lots of boobs. Not like I have any qualms about that but yeah, disturbing + boobs. Not a good combination. But the art is really thought-provoking and I guess if art can do that for you, then it must be pretty darn good.

Ohai, this huge shirt on top of me is actually made of brush. Pretty cool, no?

Random camwhoring in the gallery.

I thought this was really cool. It's as if the artist put in little bits of his life here. In those transparent pockets, you can actually see letters sent to him that were written years ago! And yes, those must be his shoes.

All in all, I really enjoyed being at the news desk. It was always so eventful and whilst we always wasted our mornings away waiting and going online (read: really free interns), the afternoons were always so activity-filled (I guess that's the only word I can describe it with wtf).

And I was just like to thank all the reporters who brought us out and mentored us :)

Internship Day 10:

I was switched to a new desk and this time, I was at the features department!

Before this, being at the news desk where something new cropped up almost everyday and unexpectedly, coming to the features desk was an entirely different ball game. While at the news desk, we were out everyday for an assignment but, at features, we barely did!

We did a lot of praying to get movie reviews but sadly, none cropped up. We spent most of the day just slaving on our articles. I wouldn't say I am disappointed because I'm not. In fact, I've always only read the features section in the newspaper and I liked writing for them. I think that the short, concise ways of the news desk is just not who I am as a writer :)

Internship Day 11:

I knew this whole Instagram thing would fail!

I forgot to take a picture that day partly because there was really nothing to take or tweet about. We were busy trying to write an article for Lacoste and it was really really challenging since it was a first for both Claire and I. Nevertheless, we had good feedback on the article! :D

Internship Day 12:

And yes, that is a picture of me camwhoring with my iPad, bahahahaha.

We were told that the Lacoste launch would be on that day and I was all hyped up but it turns out, the dates were mistaken and the launch was only on the next day. But oh well, we had more time to slave on our assignments (which for some odd reason seems to be piling up).

Internship Day 13:

I think it was one of the best days throughout my entire internship. The Lacoste launch was ... well, it was cool. I don't actually know how to describe it but yeah, it was REALLY cool.

When we arrived, we were ambushed into taking a picture and they actually developed it for us!

There were a lot of celebs there and I spotted Joey G deejay-ing! Well yes, I did a lot of giggling after that as you can very well expect me to.

Ah, yes. Please excuse me while my heart tries not to die for a moment.

Anyway, I actually forgot to bring my camera on that day so I'll just have to make do with pictures taken from my handphone.

THIS MODEL IS LIKE SOOOOO CRAZY HOT ZOMG! And yes, there is a guy trolling at the back HAHAHAHA.

I think I may just be in love.

I was so close to him that I could see fine golden hairs on his hand.

... Does that sound creepy to you? I've just never really seen 'fine golden hairs' before as the books always describe it as.

Stalker picture of Joey G!

These people are like giants. (I was actually tiptoeing here. Clearly, the attempt failed)

This is proof of how extremely huge they are.

Well, I think I was truly Starstruck! on that day (pun intended).

Internship Day 14:

It was my last day at the features desk. Not much happened but we finished up most of our assignments (thank god!)

Oh and here's a picture of me with a lion that decided to ambush The Star. Yes, I know, I was jakun enough to take a picture with it.

It's hard to believe that I have only three days left of my internship. After that, I'll be whisked off to Pahang for YNN with the rest of the Starstruck! buddies and then, life will go back to normal ... I guess. It'll probably feel weird not going to work everyday.

Oh well.

It's been a really great experience and I couldn't be more grateful :)

XO!

You'll never know unless you try.

2011-11-27T23:43:00.001+08:00

Every now and then, we stumble upon an inspirational quote that plants a seedling of hope which may or may not blossom to become a single burning desire to achieve. Every now and then, that one quote lodges its roots into the depths of our mind and stays there to grow and be nurtured by our actions.

And every now and then, we have someone like me whose plant blooms into a dark, fathomless jungle I simply can't find my way out.

(Sorry for the weird plant metaphors.)

But yeah, that's me. I don't know when to stop, to kill the plant before it kills me, to leave the jungle when it has become too dangerous. And the problem with me is that I'll never stop trying.

While most would applaud this mindset that reeks of determination, I think it's my biggest fallback. I never give up and for that, I think I get hurt the most. People say the fruits of your hard work will come to you, sooner or later but once the fruit comes, I am no longer hungry and no longer fascinated by the echoing promise of it. In fact, by the end of the journey, with the fruit presented to me on a silver platter, I am too drained of energy to take it.

I often wonder if the journey has been worthwhile. Is this the fruit of all my labours and if so, does it do justice for everything I have done?

I do my best for almost every damnedest thing I do and this year has been a year of great achievements. Everything I've set my mind to, I've tried my hardest. I have fallen along the way - many times I would say - but I've always picked myself up, brushed the dirt from my knees and continued.

But I'm tired of getting up over and over again and like I said, I don't know when to stop and tell myself that hey, this just might be it.

For most people, inspirational quotes are medicine that feeds their plight but I think for me, it has become almost a poisonous overdose and I just wish, that for once I could try giving up, that I could stop for a moment to breathe.

But oh well, here I go again because OF COURSE, you'll never know unless you try.

Damn, I want to shoot myself.

XO!

Being an intern

2011-11-25T23:02:00.007+08:00

"So where are you guys from? ... What you're all sixteen? ... What are sixteen-year-olds doing here? ... Is this not slavery?"

Those are the average reactions whenever we introduce ourselves.

Yes, we're Starstruck! writers. Oh what is that? Well, it's a pullout for schools and we write for it. We were chosen for this internship. Yes, yes. Oh how old are we? We're sixteen. Yep, sixteen. Well, we're interning for a month. Yeah, nice to meet you too!

And those are our average replies.

Being the pioneers of Starstruck! is not the easiest thing on earth but I think we handle it smoothly. So far, everyone at The Star has been accommodating (maybe it's because we're 'only' sixteen), friendly and extremely nice.

On the first day, we got a few hilarious replies. For instance "Hello, my name is Nizam but you can call me your highness." And another, "Life is a sandwich." Pretty quirky people but I like them!

So for the first week, Paik Suan, Michelle, Claire and I are stationed at the News Desk, the heart of all newspapers. As opposed to how hellish a previous intern dubbed it to be, the News Desk has been unexpectedly kind. Once again, I think it's because we're still sixteen but hey, no complaints here.

Day 1 of internship:

Me being extremely retarded before work.

On the first day, we did a lot of drifting from department to department. We bummed about at the office, went online and all the excitement from the previous day fizzled out. We were wrong to think it would be action-packed but we met a lot of reporters that day and did multiple introductions (we still do, though. Basically, we regurgitate the same stuff over and over again. Pretty tiring :p)

Day 2 of internship:

We were shipped off by Devid (OC for the day) to the High Court at Shah Alam. We actually saw real-life criminals in handcuffs. I was so excited that I crammed in for a closer glimpse but then I felt guilty instantly. Honestly, when you're in cuffs and some crazily excited intern comes budging in to stare at you, you'd probably feel a little odd right? So the courteous ol' me backed off instantly :p

We waited at the lobby of the court for the reporter, Nurbaiti to arrive. We forgot to stalk her through the CPS (super cool corporate portal system where you can like stalk all the employees, I'm serious) and ended up standing there and wondering if every lady who passed us was a Nurbaiti. Finally, we met her (relief).

After that, we waited for HOURS for the hearing. The three of us sat on some random bench and actually fell asleep. Yes, three interns sleeping on a barely comfortable bench at court. What a sight. (I actually slipped off the bench once or twice.)

We attended the hearing. It was about this officer who falsified some accounts and punishments. I was actually pretttttyy lost throughout the entire thing since I am no BM genius and they spoke extremely rapidly and softly. Clearly not one of those super cool lawyer shows you see on TV where they go all out and snipe at each other. I thought it was pretty bland and lack-lustre.

The guy was found guilty, he got executed and then we went back to the office.

By the way, we sat on cabs and I can tell you that cabs are terrifying. They smell musty, the seats are all torn and the driver probably has this weird look that scares you away. Most of them also make unnecessary, condescending remarks. Like please, just SHUT UP AND DRIVE. I'm paying you to ferry me, not to talk!

Man, these people need a head check.

That's us. Sad sad us waiting for our cab to arrive. Did I mention that they're not the most punctual people on earth?

Head check, once again!

Day 3 of Internship:

Ladies and gentlemen, that is our handiwork. The news desk threw us a bunch of baubles and Christmas decorations in plastic and went all "Knock yourselves out," so yes, we interns set to our decorating task and it was not bad. A few reporters actually stopped to admire out work HAHAHA.

Before that, we had our very first assignment! We met Yvonne Lim, a really nice reporter. We had to do an article about what students are doing during their holidays so I called up almost everyone I knew. We headed to 1 Utama later to ambush some random students.

Honestly, I don't mind ambushing and interviewing but it takes a lot of guts to muster up every ounce of courage you have to take a deep breath and walk to your 'victim' and introduce yourself. But hey, it worked! And we were not shot with death stares. More uncertain ones but also some other eager ones. This 12-year-old girl shouted "YES I'M GONNA BE ON THE STAR!!!" And I was all like O___o

And yes, there were a lot of 12-year-old kids. The world these days. When I was 12, all I did was stay at home and stare at my wall during the holidays.

Day 4 of Internship:

Attended TNB Deepavali open house. (In the picture is the free goodie bag I got :p HEHE!) When Michelle and I stepped in, we went "Whoa" literally. There was food in every corner and everything smelled and looked good! Instantly, I regretted eating lunch but I heaped myself with food anyway.

We were following Wani on that day who is a senior reporter for The Star ;)

We were told to interview some retirees and orphans. And the retirees are really cute and sweet, especially the one I talked to! Waaaay better than the orphans :p

I must say that these caretakers of the orphanages are really good opportunists. They'd stop at nothing to get publicity. When we were approaching some of the kids, one of them came up to us and said "You reporter? .. COME WITH ME!" In fact, instead of us ambushing THEM, WE were ambushed.

When I interviewed the children, the caretakers actually answered for them and gave me their cards/numbers. One of them even went, "What's your name?... Min Hui? GOD BLESS YOU, CHILD!" It was a weird moment for me. Do you say thank you when someone says God bless you?

Day 5 of Internship:

We spent the whole morning bumming out at the office and pretty much doing nothing. We interns spend most of our time waiting :p

We headed to Mid Valley later because we needed to do an article about What's Hot for Christmas 2011 or something like that. We scouted a few stores and I must say that Christmas decorations are really pretty!

But we were in this store (shall not name it :p) and they were taking pictures and stuff. Suddenly, this stuck-up, I'm-so-important, douchey manager dude steps in and begins to ask us about protocol and permission and stuff. Okay, so maybe I exaggerated but this has happened to me a few times and honestly, people, DO YOU NOT GET IT? This is free publicity! What's publicity over protocol?! Those are just my thoughts but yeah, maybe some people can learn from them.

Silly tag is stuck in this cheap plastic thing because it broke. Great.

Funny thing is when I tried to go the Human Resources department to submit my photo, I actually entered the wrong one! I went in, walked the entire department (with everyone staring at me) and then walked out (with everyone still staring at me). I only realised a DAY later that I probably got off on the wrong floor.

Sigh, I am utterly hopeless.

And before I go,

THIS ladies and gentlemen, is my new obsession. Yes, Temple Run, Y U SO AWESOME?!

That is it for now but I'll be back with more updates. For now, it is the weekend (thank god!) and I'll be spending it burning myself brown for volleyball, reading and catching up on my measly holidays.

Till then,

XO!

The hypocritical holiday.

2011-11-19T21:25:00.002+08:00

My father once exclaimed passionately that he loathed hypocrites. I couldn't help but snort.

If it isn't a hypocritical world we live in, then what world is there? Being hypocritical is part and parcel of life; it is human nature; its poison runs through our veins whether we like it or not. We live in a world filled with hypocrites and there is no escaping the fact that it is true: No one is who they really seem to be.

With that said, I am by all means, a hypocrite too. Why deny one's flaws? It's only better to greet them with open arms. (In fact, I do greet all my flaws with open arms. Correcting them is a whole other story I am not ready to read)

In fact, I'm most hypocritical on a subject I am particularly sensitive about: holidays. It is an ironic subject to sensitive about but really, it is the one thing I truly treasure and loathe all at the same time. On days when there is nothing to do, I often grumble/wail/moan/cry in despair/get all depressed. On days when there are too many things to do, I often grumble/wail/moan/cry in despair/get all depressed. Most would argue that yes, it's perfectly normal. The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? But it's pretty hypocritical in a way.

My god, what am I talking about? How did a normal blog post which I was going to start off with a "HELLO PEOPLE" end up being a rant about hypocrites?

I need a head check y'all.

Here are the (very few because I've been busy doing work) things that I've done during the holidays so far:

Won free tickets to Greyson Chance's music showcase courtesy to Stuff@School (I swear, those online web contests are CRAZY)!

And yes, Greyson Chance was goooooooooooooooood! :)

KL is so pretty at night, no? :)

Headed to Penang for my first time in ages. Yes, I've abandoned my hometown for reasons unknown to me but it felt good to have this little homecoming.

I was DYING to get on that, literally.

The view from my hotel room! :)

Mom and I at a close friend's wedding.

My dress for the day! (Of which I got totally bashed by my friends for because the last dress I bought for 300 bucks (reluctantly, I might add), I claimed I would wear for this wedding but I did not and bought another one instead. That's hardly my fault. My mom calls the shots :p)

And so that may as well conclude my holiday. This week has been the ONLY week that I have of my holidays because by next week, I am going off for my internship + camp + more camps. One would think that I would have spent my only week of holidays by lazing about and doing holiday-ish things but noooo, I went back to school like thrice this week because the magazine was not done.

Oh well, come Monday, I shall be interning at The Star (fashion dilemmaaaa!) and we'll see how things go (hopefully, smoothly!).

I promise to blog about my internship ASAP!

XO!

Unexpected change.

2011-11-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I am alive!

The month-long exams haven't left me for dead, believe it or not. And now I am free to return to my Internet-scouring when once the only thing I allowed to myself to scour were my books. The little zest my life had has been restored.

And then, it will be two glorious months of holidays! Alas, I am no longer free to plan out my holidays and marking them out with things like "Nothing" because I'll be beginning my internship at The Star (gulps), attending a couple of camps and starting some seriously rigorous planning for next year's events. My holidays will no longer consist of propping my feet up on a chair and reading the entire day or simply just staring into space.

Oh yes, life has changed.

These past few months have shown me just how life can throw you off course. When you least expect it, it flips-flops, leaves you stranded in the middle of nowhere and smirks as you try to regain shreds of sanity.

Many things of which I love and have committed myself to for the past few years have taken on .. well, a little bit of a different path. People who have become so important to me are now spreading their wings and taking off for greener pastures while I ... well I'm still stuck here.

I know the only thing I can do is to accept the change and find a way to deal with it. It's either I stick with it, do my very best and see how it goes or give up. And doing the latter is just not how I do things. I usually wait them out and even if no fruits seem to fall, I wait for the seasons to come. For in time, they will, won't they?

Despite it all, I'm optimistic. I guess.

Sigh.

I will be back with better posts once I have gotten used to life without having to study my arse off. I have a feeling it'll be much better :p

XO!

Back to civilisation.

2011-10-24T23:19:00.001+08:00

Dear ladies and gentlemen,

I apologise sincerely for my extended absence. *dramatic pause ensues*

You see, when my depressing school life was not demanding that I study my brains out or die during finals, I've been well, up to basically nothing at all but listening to the incessant instructions of said culprit - none other than my depressing school life. Thinking of the computer these past few weeks have been almost taboo. I did nothing but sit by my desk and study till I could barely sleep without equations or notes swimming through my head. And as you can see, it has driven me rather insane.

(And I'm pretty certain I had a dream of my digestive system all thanks to Biology.Yuck.)

So, really I've been a no-show online. Well, it's nice knowing I have at least a fraction of my social life back albeit not all of it. I still have Chemistry next week, the horror!

Here's a really belated update of everything that I have been up to when I haven't been stuffing my face in my smelly old books.

My 16th birthday celebration.

Prefect's Hi-Tea 2011.

All the crazy planning our new board had to go through turned out well. I was the emcee for the day along with Sam and I am proud to say that we did not make any bad jokes :) Haha!

AJK board 2011/2012.

And aren't we a colourful bunch? The theme for the day was Spring/Summer 2011. And yes, that was my idea. There were indeed flowers aplenty on that day.

I won the prize for Most Eloquent Prefect which honestly makes me snort in laughter because I created that category, counted the votes for it and even bought the trophies! HUR HUR HUR.

UBK dinner 2011.

Something not as outdated as the rest of the above. This only happened last Saturday night! I had a blast and it was really good to be doing something non-study related with friends again.

Now, I shall go back to studying my brains off. Again. I'll be back in full force after exams end this week and hopefully, there will be no more Internet avoiding! :D

XO!

A dark moment.

2011-10-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

We all have our moments. Moments of pain and glory, happiness and sadness, elation and depression - each of them a new experience.

To me, dark moments make you who you are. Times when you find yourself completely stuck, unable to move the obstacle before you, unable to do anything but to wait for it to pass. And in those moments you sit and reflect of everything that has happened. In those moments, you fight your biggest fears and defeat the monsters infesting your mind. In those moments, when life tests you to see if you will build or crumble, you become the person you make yourself to be.

You may cower or you may go forward. You may face the obstacle or kneel defeated before it. Either way, it defines you.

I'm going through what I call a spot. In other words, it's a particularly dark moment when I can barely see the light. But I believe in the notion that things will only get worse before it gets better.

But for how long?

Yes, I'm in a really dark moment right now. But it's going to make me a better person.

I hope.

XO!

From http://missmunchkins.blogspot.com/

2011-10-04T14:31:00.000+08:00

Our lives are ruled by print, by words and by books that constantly demand our attention. And then they are instantly ruined by the flick of a red mark on our report cards.

The general assumption is that academics make a man, not his attitude nor his talent, his moral values or image. Once you're a genius, you're everything. You're praised by the adults, loved by the teachers and awed by your peers. But without your A's, who are YOU?

Well, that was utterly random but I know for sure that without my A's, I'm dead meat. I only wrote this because I was feeling utterly cranky after studying so much. Now I think I need a nap.

XO!

BRATs part two!

2011-09-20T18:29:00.003+08:00

The Royal Press seems to me like a treasure chest stowed away in the heart of Jonker Street, Malacca. It is approximately 75-years-old and sits in a 100-year-old building lined with hallway after hallway, each leading to a new room with more treasures to explore. When I first laid eyes on it (sitting across on the street waiting in the sun for an hour and a half haha), all I saw was its old-fashioned doorways and nothing more. But the Royal Press has definitely much to offer.

The entire place is crammed with 19th century machines and beyond what you see in the first room (just stacks of paper, paper and more paper) are olden wonders and things I feel lucky to have actually had the firsthand opportunity to see. I loved the feel of being in the Royal Press (not the sweltering heat though) of how I just stepped back into time where little to nothing had evolved.

The machines are still functioning to this day (surprise surprise!) and they make cute whirring noises hahaha. Apparently, according to Mr Tan, operations manager of the Royal Press, the machines are dangerous and if you're not careful, you might just lose your fingers to them as did one of the previous Royal Press employees. WAY TOO COOL YO. What machine prints and eats your fingers?!

The process of printing, Mr Tan explained is a tedious one. Back in the olden days, they did everything word by word with the use of blocks and chops they melded from metal.

Yup, these metal blocks of which they can meld over and over again.

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are entire rows of minuscule blocks.

Blocks that are smaller than the size of my pinky! (pretty abnormal I must say since I have a REALLY small pinky lol.)

Apparently, the workers used to climb the ladder up and live in that hole up there! I would have DIED to get in there but well, sadly, we weren't allowed :(

This ah ma has been working at the Royal Press for a really long time and she's so nice and cute, I want to cuddle her! Hahaha.

Oh, and this is David.

And this is scary David HAHAHAHAHA.

It was crunch time back at the hotel and I think over that period, I gained like a ton of weight because I snacked. the. entire. way. Let's just say that you will not be missing junk food at BRATs.

Room mates and I camwhored in the room on our last night, haha!

Captain BRATs!

Leeynesh, Aishah and I.

Dave, me, Aishah and my Starstruck! mate, Amelia! I was really surprised to meet her there. I was all like "OMG IS THAT YOUUUUU?" Haha.

Me, Chin (the enter-framer! Chin's story of entering our video made me laugh my arse off) and Natalie.

Leeynesh - our group spent hours laughing at him laugh :p

Amy - our group facilitator.

Chien Teng who likes playing really. really. lame games. (causing many groans among the BRATs but lots of fun nevertheless!)

I don't know him.

Still don't know him.

XO!

(From http://missmunchkins.blogspot.com/)

Sixteen.

2011-09-18T14:01:00.003+08:00

When I was younger, I used to watch the likes of spoiled rich kids on MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen. If you ask what a nine-year-old was doing watching these kids strut around on TV, screaming at their parents and having cat fights with their supposed best friends, I would probably not be able to answer you. I didn't even know why myself. But I wondered, while I watched, if I would ever turn sixteen, what I would look like when I turned sixteen and what I would be like then. It was moments like those that I wanted to grow up so badly.

But right now, actually being sixteen, my only wish is to go back.

On my sixteenth birthday, I had one of those rare moments of feeling like I was in a foreign place when in actual fact, I was at home. It wasn't one of those odd homesick moments but more of a gut feeling of knowing that something, somewhere had ultimately changed without my realising. It was only when the change had actually taken form that I had known that something, big or small, had altered, had probably taken its last step off my life, had morphed and become something I did not know but that I would soon perhaps terribly, find out about.

My life changed, almost imperceptibly, on my birthday. On a day that was supposed to be 'my super sweet sixteen'.

Despite that, I wouldn't say my birthday was a total piece of crap. I had good moments and I had bad ones. It seems to me like my birthday was just a big ball of everything I've experienced this year all combined into one. It was a huge roller-coaster I had no idea I was sitting on until I was completely thrown out of my seat.

Towards the end, I had to pinch myself. I felt like I was living a really surreal dream despite sluggish happiness a dream normally possesses was definitely nowhere to be found. Well, that pinch hurt.

But growing up is part and parcel of life and I've accepted the fact that I did grow up on my birthday. More than I can imagine.

All this solemnity is coming from the fact that I got grounded on my very own birthday and for once in my life, I took it and said "I'm sorry" without my usual waterworks and drama. Honestly, I can't say I'm not proud of myself though being artificially happy is quite the headache-inducing job.

Happy bittersweet sixteen, me :)

XO!

(From http://missmunchkins.blogspot.com/)

I'm Starstruck!

2011-09-12T20:12:00.001+08:00

Writing, to me, is quite the hair-pulling process riddled with frustration after frustration. Matters only get worse when my brain begins to suffer endless droughts when ideas seem to be horribly extinct and all I can think of is the most irrelevant things. But despite my incessant complaints, it remains a passion.

This passion has been well honed by the Starstruck! Young Journalists program I entered this year and since then, my writing experience has taken a roller-coaster ride. And I swear, this ride defies the very laws of gravity.

2011 has been a crazy barrage of deadlines and late nights slaving off on articles but it also has been wonderful all the same because looking at yourself published at the age of 16 is well, almost every aspiring writer's dream. I find myself constantly being thankful that I entered Starstruck!

For the past year I've been scrambling about on assignments, cracking my head in between lessons to think of angles and arranging photo shoots. Every Monday, I literally run to the newspapers and rush to see if I've gotten published. It hasn't just been shots of giddy happiness for me but for my friends as well as they get to see their faces on print and get their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to brag all over Facebook :p

I've also campaigned to get my friends to subscribe to Stuff@School and every Monday, I deliver them. Literally. Just this morning, a bunch of boys started singing "Old newspaper, paper lama!" when I passed. Of course me being the wonderfully courteous person smiled ever-so-sweeeetly at them. (Such cheeks, they didn't even bother to help! Hmph.)

Starstruck! has also opened many doors for me. In fact, I even got to interview MTV's VJ Utt! Now that was truly a starstruck moment for me :p

Still spazzing over my meeting with him. Can I just say again that he has green eyes?

I've also learned truck loads about writing. I've learned how to be well, pretty much flexible. I was always quite the flowery writer and when it came to reports, I swear, I wanted to jump off a cliff into a pool of piranhas or something equally suicidal. But I learned to change styles to suit and adapt to the tastes and liking of others. I soon learned that I don't just write for myself, I write because I love it and I want those who read my articles to love it as much as I do.

But I think the icing on the cake is meeting new friends - people from all over Malaysia who constantly spam my Facebook notifications, who are utterly crazy, share common interests with me and who are wonderful writers.

A fraction of us when we raided Menara Star during the March hols!

I found out last week that 15 other Starstruckers and I were accepted as interns at the Star and HOLY CRAPPADOODLES, YESSSS. It makes me happy that all the hard work I've been slaving off into this has finally paid off and beginning 'work' at the age of 16 and doing what I love is a really great feeling.

But of course, I couldn't have done it without my parents who are EXTREMELY supportive. My dad loves showing off my articles to his friends. My mom constantly gives me ideas and even lets me interview her. She sends me out for photo shoots, collects my newspapers and every Monday she asks me the same question: DID YOU GET PUBLISHED TODAY?

And not to forget, the wonderful people at the Editorial Board! Pn Shirley and Pn Evelyn have been so utterly nice, helping me to get subscriptions from their students. Pn Shirley has also been giving lots of really good ideas and people I can interview, helping me get a notice board in school and calling up the teachers.

And then there are my friends who I threatened into subscribing the papers. They literally go nuts at the chance of getting into the newspaper and they're all really supportive and give compliments all the time! Honestly, they're the best :)

So actually, being a Starstrucker for me has been a joint effort by all the people I love. Being an intern is only going to top it off :)

XO!

2011-09-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

Officially a BRAT.

It seems to me like BRATs has serious after-effects of some sort because right now, I'm sitting before the screen and positively blowing my nose off, sneeze after sneeze. I've also been terribly lethargic these past few days as I've been falling asleep non-stop in class.In fact, I had three naps in school today. Oh well, all the more reason to skip school, no?

Besides that, I've had a blast at BRATs. I'm sure the rest think so too as they are CONSTANTLY SPAMMING MY NOTIFICATIONS WITH UPDATE AFTER UPDATE! Sigh, I should have seen this coming :p Nevertheless, it's always nice knowing we're still keeping in touch.

In today's R.AGE, I came out on the cover looking like an overstuffed pau wielding a camera. Truly touche. I must say, the overstuffed pau look is a fashion statement to be reckoned with. Just stuff yourself with buffet meals three times a day! But, nah I'm not complaining. I wanted to save that edition but my dad ... good lord, my dad must have left it at the office to brag all about it to his friends. Every time an article of mine is published, he NEVER fails to do that. Dad, is it really necessary?

Anyway, here are a fraction of the pictures I took (because it completely flooded my memory card!) at BRATs.

We had a photo challenge themed 'green'. So there goes the barrage of extremely green things put under the scrutinising lens of our cameras. This was what I submitted and well, I'm pretty proud of it :p

David the Ho as usual doing his emo-ing at the corner :p

The second day saw 42 BRATs dressed in our BRATs t-shirts, ready to conquer Jonker Street! The weather, I must say, was merciless. We were stationed at the Mei Zheng Yuen Confectionery where mooncakes are sold so of course with all the industrial ovens around, we were literally baked to moist perfection. But hey, what with that amazing aroma and with all the good-looking cookies around (took a lot of willpower not to steal anything and stuff it in my mouth), I'm not exactly complaining! (Though I do function terribly in the heat.)

The owner's 8-year-old son. If he's not adorable, I don't know what is!

The yolk they put in the mooncakes/lotus biscuit. This brings to mind a tumblr post a fellow BRAT made entitled"My Shiny Golden Balls" wtf trolololol!

Good stuff.

That's what you get when you're too tall :p Muahahaha.

We had naan! I have this thing for Indian food so of course, I stuffed my face (again). And I also LOVE LOVE LOVE mint sauce for reasons unknown to me so of course, I drank the entire thing. Drank. We also played really lame games courtesy of Chien Teng :p The Johnny Whoops crap made me torture David into doing it again and again till I got it. The poor boy, haha!

Captain BRATs brainstorming on our second assignment. (Btw, I came up with that name, just saying :p)

Here's a sneak peek of what we visited the day after. It's the Royal Press of which is housed in a 100-year-old building and has been around since 1936. That's 75 whole years, my friend and its still functioning to this day. I really liked it there at the Royal Press :)

Leeynesh who has this mad ass laugh that makes you laugh your ass off too! Got to love him :p

My sad sad sweaty face. We waited by the side of the road for about oh well, an hour and a half. And I stupidly. stepped. on. shit. Damn.

When bored, CAMWHORE, I say! This is Aishah, none other than my writing partner who's really nice :)

More pictures to come, I promise. For now, I have to tend to this leaky nose and this godforsaken headache. The new AJK board will be facilitating their first camp this week and I NEED to be okay by then because ... we're not sleeping. At all. Now I don't know what can be sadder than that but oh well.

XO!

BRAT-ty and proud of it.

2011-09-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

It may be another memory to pocket in my journey to journalism but it is a memory nonetheless and a wonderful one at that.

I am officially, a BRAT. Yes, well, I've always been a brat in the literal sense before this what with my narcissism, constant complaints and mood swings but today, I'm a BRAT. A Bright Roving Annoying Teen. Though I'd like to think I'm anything but annoying but oh well.

4 days and 3 nights of too much junk food, freezing my butt off in bed, typing furiously away with my teammates and having lots of laughs has left me with BRATs fever. I've met the most unique people. It isn't my first time meeting people who have the same interests as I do (i.e. reading and writing) because Stuff@School already marked that for me but it's nice meeting more people like these, especially ones who are completely haywire. Though when I say haywire, I have a feeling I was one of the more haywire ones.

We visited a mooncake store that has been around for about 30 years in Malaysian shores and the Royal Press, a 75-year-old printing press filled with ancient machines that still function whose papers disintegrate at a single touch (literally!). All in all, it has been a great experienced.

I've never liked being called a BRAT before until now.

My favourite picture that I took at the Royal Press.

I'll post more about BRATs soon but for now, I need some sleep, especially since I'm going to school tomorrow (the horror) with my homework undone (more horror!).

"Like OMG, I can't believe you just called me a brat."

XO!

Early morning rant?

2011-08-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

It's almost one in the morning and here I sit before my computer screen positively cranky and yawning like a horse (if horses yawn at all) but enjoying my few blissful moments with the Internet. Yes, well, my Internet has died a million deaths no thanks to the rain (oh lovely lovely rain) and TM Net (oh yes LOVELY LOVELY internet provider, why the money I pay is definitely worth it!).

If there were an expletive to describe the one Saturday I decide to stay at home and do holiday-ish things that I have not done in say, what feels to be like a million years, it would be a very very very bad expletive.

But on a better note (have been doing this optimistic thingy so as not to die of utter boredom the entire day), I caught up on some reading. I'm currently re-reading the entire Harry Potter series and the usual Potter fever leaves me saying everything in a British accent (mom gave me weird looks the entire day when I said "Can you please pass me the bacon, yes thank you dear," in my best Professor McGonagall impression) and cursing with well, curses (Expelliarmus and the sort).

On a much different note, I imported my posts to Wordpress but as usual, I'm totally clueless at CSS. I can't seem to make a nice new template so if anybody would be a dear ...

But then there's the dilemma! I've had missmunchkins ever since I was thirteen which to me, is an AGE. So, what do you think? Wordpress or Blogger?

I shall end this positively weird posts with pictures of a trip to KL. Yes, I love KL and all that. The atmosphere is positively infectious and the shopping choices left me squealing the entire day but after a few hours, you begin to see the ugly side. Like how I was totally duped into donating RM 10 to a random guy. No, actually, I was not duped. I just wanted to shake him off and he was really persistent and I had no idea what the f he was trying to say! Well well, 10 bucks gone like that. Sigh. But he did give me in keychain in return but it's so fugly, I bet a 5-year-old could've done it without looking!

Those are my new Oxford shoes up there and I loved them till the minute they started to hurt like a bitch.

XO!

The 5 minute poem

2011-08-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

Time raced by so fast,
Did we ever stop to ponder?
We try to make the moments last,
But it did not stop for us to wonder.

For all the things that we have done,
The journey, the obstacles, the destination,
Our challenge has only just begun,
But we're already beyond frustration.

I sit here watching time pass by,
Faster than the ticks of the clock can carry,
Perhaps, I wonder, if I try,
Time will stop to tarry.

Quicker than a blink of an eye,
My childhood will soon fall away,
Every laugh, every tear, every little sigh,
Will soon crumble to dust I daresay.

I have bled myself dry,
And in my haste, forgot to look around,
To see all the people who have left,
Who are now nowhere to be found.

Slowly, slowly things have changed,
Yet all I see is the treacherous path ahead,
Life seems like a chess game all arranged,
And I am the player waiting for my deathbed.

My horrible 5 minute poem but hey, it's a start!

XO!

My evolution.

2011-08-13T11:20:00.001+08:00

I was not always like this.

Perhaps, I was pretentious. Perhaps not. I cared what they said about me and at the same time, I didn't. Their words seemed to graze and hurt but did the people who spoke them matter? They didn't. So I erased the hurt as best as I could and tried to forget.

I was thirteen when my flaws seemed to hit me in the face and become clearer than they had ever been. I knew they were there but I never acknowledged them. It was a year of drama - the ruthless kind - and before I knew it, I was tired, I was drained and I didn't want any more of it.

It was then that I embarked on my journey. I would change, I thought. My next year would be nothing like this. My evolution took time. Longer than it needed to be but it happened. And it worked.

I made bad decisions on the way. I might say I fell in love but I fell out of it - in the most painful of ways. I learned from my mistakes, tried to ignore the pain in my chest and I did what I could. Living day by day and trying to forgive and forget.

I forgot but I never forgave.

My 14th year was unpleasant. It was as murky as the depths of a pond. My 15th year took a turn for the better. Perhaps it was because I learned to tone down, to appreciate the people around me, to stop yearning for perfection when it did not exist. I threw away the remnants of my perfectionist self and I settled for what I had. I was content.

Things changed. I worked hard for my goals and grumbled if I did not receive them. Yet, I tried. It was a battle and I won.

Now I am 16 and I sit here overwhelmed at everything has happened. This year has been a year of achievements. More than I ever thought that I would achieve. Debate, getting published, working for the prefect board, planning and planning and most of all succeeding in most of it.

Time passes so fast. Faster than I thought it would.

I used to be a different person. I didn't always speak my mind or do whatever I liked. I wasn't always so comfortable in this skin or with the people I loved. I appreciate. I gave. And I received.

Yes, I was not always like this.

Bliss at best.

2011-08-06T14:29:00.004+08:00

What have I been up to lately?

It was wonderful. I loved everything about the Dreamgirls musical - from the mind-blowing vocals to the shimmery costumes. It was so grand and so good. The English club even had a meet-up with the actors and a backstage tour. I was a happy happy girl :)

The grand theater.

That's right. MTV Worldstage! I can only thank Stuff@School for the opportunity of interviewing MTV's VJ Utt and in turn, scoring these tickets!

World Stage was WILD. It was a screaming mass of hyped-up people and yes, I was one of them. We sneaked in our camera (wrapped it with money, stuffed it in my purse and got through!) but stupidly did not use it at all. Such dead weight, sigh. The idiot in me broke my slipper before anything begun so I bought new ones but the tiny Asian that I am was stuck in a crowd of really tall people, so I stuffed in my old slippers because they had heels.

During the finale when Jared Leto (Yes! Jared Leto /squeal! My childhood love, wtf.) let everyone on stage, we climbed the fence and got stuck in the smelly, sticky, sweaty crowd. We were literally swaying as everyone pushed from left to right and in the midst, I lost my slipper. So I calmly took out my new ones and wore them. When we finally found my slipper, it looked like a pile of crap. Literally.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was my World Stage story. And oh, I bought drinks because I was dying of thirst and forgot to pay /thwacks head.

I loved the experience. And I loved how everyone got 30 Seconds to Mars for an encore. We sang excerpts from Kings and Queens and I thought the moment was beautiful. It was quiet except for the singing.

And I saw Beast /more squealing ensues.

We arrived home at one and I spent the rest of the week sick and in bed. Oh, the horror.

What else have I been up to?

Oh, this. Lots and lots of studying.

But exams are over now and I can finally breathe. Or as much as I'm allowed to anyway because I'm going hardcore for finals. No slacking this time! :)

Today was one of the few relaxed Saturdays I've had in awhile. Woke up really early for volleyball with the gang, had breakfast at McDonald's, came home and spent the rest of the day being bored and lazy. Ah, such bliss.

Random pictures taken out of boredom! Enjoy!

XO!

A sinking ship.

2011-08-03T18:18:00.001+08:00

How did we get here?

I used to know you so well.

I did.

We were once friends. We were once confidantes. We were once soul mates who bared our secrets without hesitation. We were once something.

The past tense of it all has a severity to it.

This is for all the people who we once loved, who we could not go a day without, who we depended on. This is for all the people who we used to be friends with, who we laughed and joked with, teased and complimented. This is for all the people we can no longer look in the eye, who we pass in the hallway without a word of 'hello' or the barest hint of recognition. This is for the people who we once knew so well but who are strangers to us now.

It takes time to get used to it. Some of us don't realise it all. But for the rest of us, the pain is so acute that it feels like a knife is cleaving your heart in two. They didn't warn us. Nobody did. When the bombshell crashed into our lives, we were helpless. Did we know that love would turn to hate? Respect into envy and jealousy? Every naive, innocent thought into something dark and malicious?

They looked on. What could they do? Who wants to be embroiled in a terrible tangle of hate?

What was once a friendship was now little more than a sinking ship. The waves pull us down fast. And then we are drowned. We are no more. A little impossible to believe.

This is for all the people who we have cut out of our lives or simply fell out of it. Some for reasons only we know, some for reasons we don't. But they deserve credit for the few moments that they lit up our lives and made us laugh.

Even if we do not remember them now, how can we ever forget them?

Keep your head above the water.

2011-07-30T19:12:00.000+08:00

We've grown.

We were once thirteen, young and innocent. The troubles of high school awaited us but we were naive, we were oblivious. We never knew.

We signed up for this. It'd be tough, they warned us. But did we care? No. We liked the uniform, the authority, the class-skipping and early recesses. We reveled in the beauty of it. The sweet freedom that only advantages can hand to you.

It was tough at most times. They never listened but we tried all the same. Some faltered, some left but some of us troopers weathered it all. We've grown so close ever since. They say we are a family and we are. We hang out with each other, laugh together, cover up for each other, whine together and skip classes like the hidden truants that we've sneakily become.In short, we've had fun all these years.

We've watched our seniors year by year, accepting posts, leading the board and then leaving. It was a constant cycle we'd been through many a time. But did we think we would one day be those seniors, straightening our ties and smoothing down our blazers, waiting for our names to be called? Did we one day expect to go up on stage and receive a post?

I didn't.

And it was that moment that I realised how surreal all this felt. We used to watch from the outside, as if through a glass panel, whispering and clapping at all the right times. Now it is our turn. All eyes are on us. We will now take the lead. The reins have been handed over. Deep breaths. We can do this.

There are times when I curse the fact that I am a prefect but mostly, I am grateful for the opportunity that I have. It has made me the person I am today.

I still hate my blazer though. Stupid, vile thing. Wish we didn't have to wear it every Monday, sigh.

The tide will sweep you in, so keep your head above the water. If you sink, the water will catch you.

XO!

Life gave me lemons.

2011-07-19T18:23:00.000+08:00

Other than the fact that my procrastination skills have improved by miles, life is still boring, mundane and brimming with work. Once again, I sit here pretending like I don't have to study or do my homework, solve prefect mag matters or finish Assignment 8. I'm just going to sit here and stare at my computer screen and hope it gives me solace.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I used to ramble on and on how life never gave me lemons. This year, life has showered them on me and I don't know what to do with half the lemons I have. Anyone want some free lemonade? :(

XO!

Injustice at work.

2011-07-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

So what does it all boil down to?

For months, we've poured in blood, sweat and tears in buckets. We've worked hard and toiled, had late nights and sacrificed so much. They say hard work will be paid off. They lied.

For some people, all they see is what they want to see, regardless of quality or quantity. For the rest of us underdogs who have slaved for months, we get little compensation for all of the hard work. While for the one person who did such measly work got all the credit, took in all the praise and stands before proud for something he/she did not do.

When did we deserve such injustice? For weeks I have seen friends trudge about crestfallen, stressed and terribly exhausted. But all we did was persevere. No one gave up, no one fell behind. We nudged each other forward. "You can do it."

But now all the tears we have wept, the time and effort we have put in, the results of our efforts have become little more than waste as we see the fruits of our efforts swept away into the arms of someone who never really cared.

But this is life isn't it? A big fat ball of unfairness.

I'm growing up. I never thought this would happen. Before this, it was like looking through a glass window, whispering and looking from the outside. But now I am here. And it feels surreal - but not in a good way. Is this really happening? Has time really passed so fast? Will we be the people we never thought we would be?

Gah. Don't mind the solemnity. I've been listening to too many emo songs.

XO!

Like a skyscraper.

2011-07-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

They say she used to be bulimic and anorexic, did drugs, went to rehab and found out she was bipolar. They also say she can't sing and half the comments on this video are mostly negative and are entirely scathing. But hey, I love this song.

It's just so emotional and one thing I hate is emotional songs. Go, Demi Lovato! :)

p/s: This does not mean I like Demi Lovato or the rest of the jing bang gang like Selena Gomez or Miley Cyrus or any of that Disney crap for the matter. I just bloody love the song ;)

XO!

Interview with MTV's VJ Utt.

2011-07-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

I grew up with MTV. And I grew up watching VJ Utt. Utt has been working as a VJ for MTV for more than a decade now and little did my naive little brains know that I would someday meet him in real life.

Perhaps, it is cliche to say that people look better in real life but well, VJ Utt DOES. Maybe it is as they say: the camera adds on 10 pounds? But VJ Utt in real life is friendly, down-to-earth, really nice and funny. He made me feel really comfortable even though I was literally rushing through my notes, giving agonised expressions at my hideous handwriting and trying not to sweat through my pores.

It was quite the nerve wrecking experience. I was obsessing over my clammy hands before the interview. "How do I shake hands with Utt? Who would want to shake my cold hands?!?!" And then I was worried I might find myself in fits of giggles.

But thankfully, I think I carried myself really well. I didn't speak too fast (as I normally do) or mess up my questions. So yes, I am happy :)

And just so you know, this opportunity came solely because of Stuff@School. This is definitely the biggest highlight of the year (or even my life) and I cannot be more grateful. Weee!

With VJ Utt and Yen Ni! :)

Pictures Utt posted on his Facebook profile! :O

He likes silly faces :)

I know, I know. I AM a lucky girl. I can't help but go all "OH YEAH!" at this even though a day has passed. It really is an experience of a lifetime.

Now I have to go crack my head on the article. Wish me luck! :)

XO!

The juggler in the circus.

2011-07-03T22:21:00.001+08:00

From sitting high up in a puffy little throne made of cloud nine to going all the way down to the soil beneath the ground all in one day is a really tiring affair. My conclusion is that life really is a roller-coaster. Its ups and downs are scarily pronounced and it often leaves you terrified. But that's what life is: unpredictable.

My apologies for leaving this blog more than half-dead. In fact, it was well into it's journey to the afterlife but I'm here to pull it out of its supposed misery /snort.

I've been a really busy person. I equate myself to a juggler in a circus, big red lips painted on my face to give off the impression that I'm smiling. Everyone's staring, everyone's holding their breath just waiting for me to drop something. And if I do, they'll cheer or whisper, point accusing fingers, leer and jeer. It will be a nightmare. So far, I haven't dropped anything yet. But what if my hands falter?

/shudders.

Busy is a clear underestimation of what I have to deal with. Everything just isn't going right. But on a much happier/positive note ...

I AM GOING TO INTERVIEW MTV'S VJ UTT!

/extreme spazzing ensues

OHMAILORD, I can't believe I got it! Thank you Stuff@School! Thank you world! Thank you life! (I realise I am being over-dramatic so please do excuse me as I go through my beauty pageant moment).

Now I am obsessing over what to wear and all those petty things. I have about ONE more question to prepare for VJ Utt and I haven't the slightest idea. Help? :)

And today's weekend has been the best weekend so far. I went to school (okay, nothing great about that) then had TDC reunion at night (well of course that rocked socks) and then I woke up late today, had breakfast, read To Kill a Mockingbird, mucked about then went shopping! And ta-daaah here I am, ready for bedtime :)

I like this interval of freedom also because we have that little break off from assignments from Stuff@School. Honestly, I love writing but when nothing comes out, it becomes a rather hair-pulling affair. Feels wonderful not having a deadline stuck in the back of your head, resurfacing at all the wrong times, obsessing over the beginning of an essay and if I should click the 'Send' button when I'm done!

All in all, I iz happy :)

But tomorrow's Monday and Monday signifies a new week with new and more arduous challenges. Be kind to me, you.

XO!

If only.

2011-06-21T19:46:00.000+08:00

If only life was easy.

I feel like a juggler in a circus. All I do is juggle, juggle, juggle and drop my little things one by one.

XO!

Vanity moment.

2011-06-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

Every once in awhile, a girl has a moment that can only described as a vanity moment or in other words, a moment spent being very much aware of her physical appearance. And every once in awhile, these vanity moments are ripped to shreds and crushed to absolute nothingness by hoards of models stalking down the runway in all of their tall, skinny and windswept-hair glory.

Shattered moments like these make me wonder why I bother watching telly in the first place (if it makes me so depressed) or engaging myself in social media which exposes me day by day to the superficiality of the world. Staring at waif-like, willowy figures and non-existent waists surely does no teenage girl any good, especially one who is admittedly physically challenged at that.

I'm not coming down with a case of insecurity. I am perfectly fine with the way I look (though an added boost to the legs would be great). It's just unnerving to see such beautiful people on telly. And on such a mundane day like this, even the smallest things get to me.

This post was initially meant to be a rant over a hairstyle I saw planted on some Korean tourist's head the other day. I swear when I saw her hair, I knew my hairy destiny was to do the same as she did hers - cut it short and curl it. Though considering my wild, frizzy hair, I might just get an afro. And yes, I have no idea how it became such an odd post about superficiality and the emotional distress plastic people on telly inflict on me.

I am a weird, weird kid. Or maybe it's just because the holidays are coming and my brain is acting up as a sign of protest. I hear you, brain. Yes, I do. If only we could just skip school, no?

/sigh.

XO!

Holiday happiness.

2011-06-10T23:17:00.005+08:00

The thing about lethargy is that it often makes you feel utterly useless. But in my defense, it IS after all the holidays whereby kicking your feet up and pampering yourself with extended hours of sleep is mandatory. And besides, being progressive and useful are reserved for days that are NOT called holidays (helldays, in fact) so yes, I am truly entitled to succumb to the glories of lethargy. God, I do love being non-productive and a complete useless bum. I've had more naps than I can count today and I even took the time to watch a DVD, read a book and make my own kimchi ramen (and this time it didn't come out soggy and tasteless!).

I am a happy, happy kid. It is so brutal to have holidays end so soon when I barely had the time to really enjoy the utter laziness of it. Sigh.

Here's one of the happy happy days I had during the week. I had Korean lunch with the girls which came at perfect timing because I have been craving for Korean for ages now. Though I definitely think I overate /guilty. I ate half a pa jeon myself, oh yes I did. And almost everything else on the table. I am a vile, evil pig.

PHOTOSPAM!

Om nom nom nom.

Pictures should speak for themselves, no? Alright, I'm just too lazy to write any captions. I already spent ages copying and pasting the codes from the pictures into this blog post, do I really have to wrack my brain for captions of us camwhoring?

Well, there are two more days left of the holidays. I usually get depressed during the last two days of any holiday while trying to finish up all the work I left to accumulate. But considering the fact that I didn't receive my holiday homework (hehehehe, /shifty evil eyes), I guess my depression has alleviated, just by a little bit. Though definitely not enough to propel me all the way to school on Monday. Oh no, I dread waking up at ungodly hours just to brush my teeth and catch more shut-eye. Ah, such a crazy life I lead!

I shall be back, when I'm not so hungover from sleep.

XO!

Hungover from camp.

2011-06-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, to say that I'm merely hungover is a downright underestimation of the exhaustion I am going through right now but yet I am still here squeezing out what little is left of my brain.

Oh kick me, I'm just being dramatic for the sake of it. I'm suffering from extreme sleep-deprivation but a part of my body is refusing to leg it all the way upstairs to bed. Partly because I miraculously injured myself (yes, AGAIN) during camp. My previous injury came back to haunt me and when I say miraculous, I MEAN miraculous. I did not even need to fall down for it to go completely haywire on me. It just went haywire by itself. So yes, whenever I move my feet, I can feel a glorious moving in my ankle. Which feels great. Really, it does.

That's unveiled sarcasm if you don't get it.

TDC 13 was great, the people were great. It was just another of those heartwarming affairs but nothing can beat TDC 12 because it completely changed my life for the better. Somehow I just end up comparing everything to the awesomeness of TDC 12 when I know I shouldn't be.

Well, all I want to say is after four days of vege, vege and more vege, I am alive! And yes, the leafy green things have not turned my face green (yet). I admit there were times when the leaves just got the better of me. It hurt to eat, really it did. One more scoop and I would puke but I forced it all in anyway (not very pleasant when it comes to vegetables).

Now I don't have to go to bed sticky as a sweet or line up for a cubicle that is so narrow, it is IMPOSSIBLE to bathe. I swear it's a balancing act trying to get dressed in the cubicle. For one thing, it's extremely narrow and any impulsive movement will send you tumbling onto the floor or into the toilet bowl.

I shall now get some much deserved sleep and wake up tomorrow and finish all of my gruelling assignments!

This time I shall not fail. This time I shall prevail!

XO!

The dread of packing.

2011-06-01T23:04:00.001+08:00

The dreadful rigmarole of packing never seems to leave me half-dead and with a thoroughly frazzled brain. I'm certain I suffer bouts of severe paranoia when it comes to packing. Say, what if my shampoo slips out of my hands in the bath and is washed down the drain? Say, my clothes get stolen by a crazy pervert of sorts? Say, the laces of my shoes can't be untied? I'm the sort of person who packs just 'in case' and ends up lugging an entire pile of dead weight on my insubstantial shoulders.

Packing and I really don't go together, sighs. Just looking at my overstuffed bag is giving me the shudders. The last time I brought a bag as oversized as that, I sprained my foot from trying to carry it (oh alright, I was also prancing about doing nonsense but I blame it on the bag).

I'll be off for 4 days of camp.4 days of MORE sleep-deprivation and eating green leafy things that will make my stomach churn because it's vegetarian. Boohoo. I sincerely hope it'll be as fun as it was last year. We've all got to take leaps ;)

XO!

Introducing Mavis.

2011-05-31T23:09:00.003+08:00

Little did I know that today would be a day of a big surprise! Dear Canon G12, you are now in my hands. I officially name you Mavis. (Honestly, I have no bloody idea what's up with my addiction with the name Mavis. I once had to do prefect duty at a really solitary place where I was in the middle of a field next to a tree. And yes, out of boredom, I began to talk that tree and I named her Mavis. Sadly, Mavis is in a bad condition now. You stupid fumes have been choking her to a not-so-leafy death! *shakes fist)

All thanks to my omma who surprisingly brought me all the way just to get the camera in between work. I didn't actually think we were going to buy it TODAY of all days in the spur of the moment because we're both indecisive like that but she did and I love you omma!

Extremely random picture but ooh do you see my eyelashes? I think I have eyelash inferiority complex wtf. That's for my marked lack of eyelash sighs.

Had a great lunch at Paddington's. I love that place ever since I went there with the gang. The food there is beyond awesome. I mean, who can hate pancakes? They're divine! Dragged omma all the way there despite the fact that we were practically lost. Did I mention we both have a terrible sense of direction too?

Passionfruit and orange yogurt smoothie!

Continental pancake.

Did I ever tell you that I LOVE breakfasts? And that's probably why I love Paddington's because they serve breakfast ALL DAY! That's my supposed breakfast up there with green pea mash. Yums!

Came home and positively collapsed on the sofa then Qi En came over and we had a faux photoshoot session. Or rather a camwhoring session filled with lots of silly poses and laughing at each other. I'm not the weird one, she is! :P

Since it's the 31st today, we got ourselves a pint of BR ice-cream. Definitely tasted like heaven on my tastebuds! After that, both of us headed out for a jog that was SUPPOSED to expel all the ice-cream out but failed. Completely. I could barely even move and after about 4 rounds, I was panting on the floor. Kidding, I was not. I just plopped my lazy arse at the bleachers.

I'll be off to camp from Thursday to Saturday. Miss me?

XO!

Born this way.

2011-05-29T16:35:00.002+08:00

I don't know about you but I'm well and truly sick of the silly, stereotyped perceptions the society has been cultivating for ages and pumping into the brains of innocent offspring who don't know better. More often than not, these baseless perceptions are negative and pinpointed at the likes of those who have crystal clear physical flaws. It is a constant vicious cycle and while most of us are victims, we are also culprits whether we like it or not.

Say if we see an obese person on the streets, lumbering their way through a crowd, we'd probably think they were nothing more than lazy creatures eating themselves into self-inflicted oblivion. Most of us would also think they're shallow and have unimpressive brain capacities or something else as condescending. Well, what if underneath it all, he/she was suffering from emotions that threaten to overwhelm, daily dilemmas that sap all mental strength and tragedies that haunt? What would you say to that? Would you just stare blankly and emit another of your heart-stabbing comments? And what else would you do if you were in their shoes - constantly under the magnifying glass of scrutiny, never being able to go anywhere else without being stared at with accusing, curious eyes and then having to deal with all the dreadful emotions that life brings along with it?

And what about people like me? I don't even bother trying to remember my height because the society has made it painful for me to stare at the insufficient digit that represents it. I'm a small person and in the eyes of many, insignificant. I know the taunts that people make because of my height or my marked lack of it and while I seem to brush off every comment made about it with ease, I still remember every word that people regardless if they were friends, enemies, teachers or people I barely knew have said.

It disappoints me to an extent because everyone thinks that being small is a physical barrier that encumbers me. Well, let me tell you something, aside from the fact that yes, I do more than tiptoe when it comes to reaching for anything beyond the fifth shelf of a cupboard, I am well and truly able to do all the physical nonsense a normal human is equipped to do. So why is it that just because of my height, I am considered inferior?

Why is it that my friends make fun of me because of it? As far as I know, I have the exact same grades as they do if not better. I can do the exact same things as they can and speak just as fluently. I suffer no mental retardation and I was born perfectly fine. My parents are small and it is only normal that their offspring turns out the same so what on earth is so criminalising about that?

People make it seem like its a crime that gets you sentenced for life in prison just to be physically-challenged. So if my eyes are not big enough, I'm ugly? So if I have a scar running down my face, I'm a monster? So if I'm fat, I'm stupid?

I'm sick of all the things that the society has been feeding to the rest of us. And personally, I'm sick of being called short. I'm perfectly aware of that when I look in the mirror and while most of your comments don't sting as much as it should, it does every once in awhile. And honestly, I don't see what's so wrong in being a tiny person. In my own defense, I think I'd rather be called obese than short. If I was obese, I could somehow lose the weight. But being short, how do I even overcome that?! There isn't even a bloody operation out there that can rid me of this bothersome label. If I was fat, I could get liposuction. If I didn't like my crooked nose, I could get a nose job. If my chest was too small, I could bloody well get breast implants!

You see, if I could do something about it, I'd take it all in my stride. But it isn't and lately, my feelings have felt a little battered to hear some of my friends still making fun of me. If you say I very well deserve it because of my acid tongue, well, I learned from the very best, ladies and gentlemen.

So screw you and your unworthy perceptions. Like Lady Gaga said, I was born this way. That's the only thing that has kept me from murdering everybody who made fun of my height. I have even gotten so used to it that sometimes I even make a joke out of it. But I am who I am and yes I was born this way.

Take your words and your opinions somewhere else where they can be heard because my ears are not listening.

XO!

Shackle-free.

2011-05-28T15:28:00.000+08:00

It feels so bloody liberating to be rid of the shackles of exams and constantly being pulled down by it. I am now as free as a bird. Tweeeeeeet!

Exams have taken many undesired tolls on this poor damsel. I now have a perpetual nose-block that I sniff dementedly all the time in some futile attempt to somehow unblock it. It seems like someone very thoughtfully stuffed cotton up my nose when I was asleep. Talking about sleep, or rather my lack of it has made the unwanted band of zits to resurface on my face. Only this time, they've mutated into big, pink, ugly monsters that refuse to leave no matter how much toner/acne cream I slab onto it night and day. Sleep-deprivation has also awaken the purple creatures underneath my eyes we call 'eyebags' and I look as if I've just received a stray punch. But considering the fact that I literally go crazy when I'm studying, I may as well have packed that punch myself.

So today is what I would call sleep-your-ass-off-day. And yes, I personally think my ass is off. (Ignore the lame pun) Its only 3pm and I've had a good 8 hour rest last night and two naps this morning!

Yes, life is good or as good as measly old life can get :)

p/s: Getting a new Canon G12 soon! But my mom being the ever-busy person will probably take a millenium to get it.

pp/s: This blog has been thoroughly revived. I promise to blog on alternate days if not daily.

XO!

Odopod awesomeness.

2011-05-27T23:17:00.001+08:00

How can one hate Odopod? It is possibly the most addictive thing right now and I can't help but complete sketch after sketch! That was my first measly attempt and basically its crap because I am crap at drawing with a mouse but I'm happy :) Odopod is AWESOME.

I think I've found a new obsession. Thank god exams are long over and its already the holidays!

XO!

The littlest things.

2011-05-21T17:18:00.003+08:00

This keyboard and this screen and this vile thing called the Internet must be some sort of drug because in the entire 5 hours that I have TRIED studying, I have gravitated to my computer at least 30 times which says a lot about my attention span or rather my marked lack of it.

And the ghastly thing is, I don't even do anything on the Internet other than scroll down my news feed and look at pictures of people I don't like and read their immature, lifeless comments that consists of a million grammatical errors. Then I'll get annoyed and head off to Twitter instead and tweet perhaps something study-related like "I'm procrastinating now!" (Yes, that's study-related) and then some earthling will spam my entire twitter page with their RTs about crap like "He kissed me and when our eyes met, I felt some spark run through my body" blabla or something emo like "He has left me and I'm broken. Why is it always this way?" and oh my gosh just get a life and stop wallowing in self-pity SHEESH.

And what extremely pisses me off is that these pathetic little tweets are tweeted by girls who somehow imply that they need a man in their life. So what if you're broken? You bloody get your ass back up and do your thing because all boys are douches and don't tell me you didn't know that from day one!

Alright, I'm ranting. The world just makes me so angry sometimes.

I wish I could unfollow some people, really I do but there are things one must do out of courtesy even if one does not wish to. Sigh.

Back to boring ol' History and Add Maths. I realise this post has been pointless but a lot of things simply are pointless nowadays, no? (Like I don't get why I have to study Physics. I don't see why on earth I have to calculate the force of a ball when I throw it or the velocity of a coconut when it falls from a bloody tree. Why can't you just leave the bloody ball and coconut alone! They're insecure too and they prolly don't like us prodding into their every bloody move! And I don't care how elastic a collision is! A collision is a collision and somebody dies and we all move on dammit!)

Sigh again.

XO!

Today I don't feel like doing anything.

2011-05-14T10:53:00.006+08:00

"Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed."

Easier said than done, Bruno Mars.

It has been one mentally exhausting week and I can feel my brain cells already dying from all the fatigue. And to think that this torture will last for about 3 more weeks?! I think my brain is going to commit suicide altogether. Hurray.

And if you didn't know better, I'm talking about exams. Lovely, lovely exams.

I wonder how brains commit suicide anyway. Will they split open in an attempt to slit its non-existent wrists? Or will it hang itself with a nerve that's supposed to be a rope? Or will it jump off ... Now that's disturbing because if my brain did that then it would have to jump OUT of my head and I am certain that won't be a pretty sight. Or maybe it'll go all harakiri on itself in some last, dumb valiant attempt at seeming smarter when it actually isn't. Hmm, yes I think my brain will do harakiri. Perfect.

Wow, exams have made me sadistic.

But you know, I think one day I could be a real-life Chucky. With the chainsaws and all. Wait, did Chucky even use chainsaws? I'm sorry I couldn't bear even 3 seconds of the movie. It was just so disturbing seeing a doll with a maniac smile wielding a chainsaw. Hold on again, did Chucky use chainsaws?!?!

But considering my atrocious temper in the mornings, I could be.

Yes, in the mornings I am EXTREMELY angry. For some reason, my foul mood lasts for about an hour or so and during that time, any questions directed at me, I will feel like screaming at. Like hello? Don't ask questions in the morning! Just SHUT UP!

Well basically, that's just what I would love to say. I also would love to snap back with a "How would I know?" or "You think I care?" but well, I don't want to ruin anything in the heat of the moment or in the heat of the morning, if you get what I mean. That actually makes sense because its a literal furnace in the mornings. Okay its a furnace the ENTIRE day.

Damn this.

Well as you can see, I am a very happy optimistic person right now. I'm literally floating in a sea of candies, unicorns and rainbow-coloured teddy bears. Mmm, life is great.

Sarcasm usually takes a bigger toll on me during the exams. As if it isn't bad enough already.

Well, I'm off to do add maths and hopefully not get my brain fried in the process. Good luck for the exams, guys! You'll need it.

And so do I. Sobs.

XO!

Pre-exam crankiness.

2011-05-05T16:32:00.004+08:00

I am currently procrastinating.

Exams are next week but it just so happens that I hate Physics and Physics hates me too. And why oh why should I ever go near anything that I have a mutual relationship of utter dislike with? It astounds me as to what education does to you. It stuffs unwanted crap down your throat and expects you to LIKE it and PASS it.

Oh gee wow.

Sorry guys. I've been cranky for an ENTIRE week already.

I don't know why but I like this picture. Hey, look at the amount of paper on my table and how messy it is! I'M DOING MY WORK IN SCHOOL YO! Yay *applauds. Wtf jakun.

Btw, I actually listen in class now instead of fall asleep. But the other time I did fall asleep, I woke up with this giant line running down my ENTIRE face. It looked like someone slashed my face. Hehe, I was Scarface for about 5 minutes before it went off :(

I'll be back after exams. Which by the way are 2 and a half weeks long. Oh yay great!

XO!

Eaten alive.

2011-04-27T22:37:00.002+08:00

The next person who pisses me off is going to be EATEN WHOLE.

I think I've proved the fact well that I have little patience and this week, every scrap of it has been spent mercilessly on being nice to people. Well, I have no more patience to provide you so if you come near me and tick me off I will eat you. Repeat: I. will. eat. you.

There are some necks out there who are literally begging my fingers to wrap it around them and squeeze. I'm not being sadistic. I'm just being sensitive to such trouble-finding necks and I'm coming up with a solution to stop them from trouble-finding. Forever. And yes, that is equivalent to doing charity because I'm ridding the community from an annoying fiend who might one day cause the death of somebody else due to their tendencies to be annoying.

And alright, may be I am extremely stressed right now. But seriously, isn't that just indirectly telling you that you are not to approach and annoy me by all means?

I HAVE MY FANGS BARED, PEOPLE. Don't you dare!

XO!

Brink of death.

2011-04-22T21:24:00.002+08:00

My attempted vampire look, minus fangs and the glitter. I've got the bruises under the eyes and I swear before I tampered with the colours of the picture, I was as white as my wall wtf.

I'd make a great Bella. Just saying.

(Personally, anybody with more facial expression than Kristen Stewart would make a bloody good vampire. And anybody who can look less constipated than Robert Pattinson should by all means become Edward Cullen.)

Well yes, I've been pretty much dead for quite a while. Or rather, dying.

An understatement would go along the lines of "I am stressed." Why? BECAUSE I'M BLOODY HELL NEUROTICALLY BRAIN-DAMAGED DUE TO EXTREME STRESS. Oh yes, that just sums it up. Add in a few more expletives and it'd be perfect. Well yay, congratulations to me. That's just what I get for joining every thing I could join. I swear I don't even think before I do. I just go "Hey, this is fun!" and then I end up trying not to strangle myself when things get hard.

Planning and thinking should be one of the activities my incapable brain should never dabble in. For one thing, I am extremely disorganised so anything I plan is well, disorganised. I am going to sit down after this and organise my event PERFECTLY. Swear. Ok I take that back. It may not happen. It's a Friday night after all.

And homework - I have abandoned it completely. 24 hours a day doesn't give you time for it.

I don't sleep in class anymore even though my table seems like the most comforting thing there, sadly. But did I tell you guys that I may have slip-disc? Oh yes, I'm 16 and I can't bend. my. bloody. back. I am officially physically challenged. So yes, it hurts to sleep in class now wtf.

I have essays to write for the newspaper but I haven't exactly figured out what on earth I am going to write. I don't have writer's block. Its just that I've squeezed out every ounce of creative juice I have possessed and I have a feeling it won't come bubbling back.

And I love The Script! I realise I put in like 3 The Script songs for Twelve FM just because I'm so bloody in love with them. But it makes me really happy to see people singing at the top of their lungs to The Script at 7:30 in the morning. By the way, being a deejay is pretty nerve-wracking. Though its a plus not having the entire world stare at you.

Okay, I must stop ranting. I promised to write but right now, I'm swamped with work. LOTS OF IT.

XO!

72 sighs a day.

2011-04-12T20:30:00.003+08:00

I used to sigh once a day. But now I sigh 72 times a day. Yes, I counted.

It disturbs me as to what kind of person I have become. Swamped with work, trying not to tear clumps of my hair out and refraining from strangling random people who annoy me. I am not even marginally happy anymore, I realise. I'm just a great big fumbling ball of frustrations with her head constantly occupied with thoughts of what to do, how to do, when to finish but most of all, when do I EVER get to sleep.

It's funny because I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing here but yet here I am typing out things that are barely going to decrease my work load.

This year, I made a giant resolution to ACHIEVE. Yes, that was just it. ACHIEVE. Well, I admit. I made that dumb decision in a spark of motivation that lasted a few seconds before it died off and I decided I'd probably die a tragic, lonely death but then I thought to myself "Why not?". I am TRYING with all my might to use "Why not?" for everything I do.

Shall I do my homework?
Why not?

Shall I redo everything?
Why not?

Shall I forgo my sleep?
WHY NOT?!

Perhaps, I have gone cranky. I don't know. You tell me.

Does anyone ever read this space anymore? I know I fill it will a million self-centred complaints but apparently, due to a survey I recently carried out among my friends ( ha ha ha ha yes I do crap like that), people like it that I'm self-centred. If Min Hui was kind, loving and all things sweet and nice, the world would apparently be topsy-turvy.

I promise I'll write more. Just stay tuned!

XO!

Being Rosie and being stupid.

2011-04-08T20:22:00.004+08:00

Just so you know, one day, I'm going to be a great auntie. I'll be the auntie who can blast your head off with her words (though sadly they won't be in Hokkien because I have given up speaking it completely), who goes to markets and scolds people at random, who can make you feel as tiny as useless as a pile of crap and who will look as gorgeously sexy as this.

Oh yeah. Real sexy *winks

These pictures STILL make me laugh.

(Before you think I'm nuts, I acted as Rosie in a Phua Chu Kang play. My team won :P The rest are dressed up in characters too. Have fun trying to see who's who! :P)

Just a bunch of random pictures I stole of facebook from other people because I have completely abandoned my camera.

SPM Result Day!

I'm actually pretty mortified. I was an interviewer for SPM Result Day and I had to interview the ex-Form Fives. So I pretended to be a reporter for the camera and went all "We're here at SPM Result Day! The tension is in the air! I can feel it! You can feel it! I wonder what is going to happen next!" Yes, I was a retarded reporter. It was all just a joke.

And omgwtfbbq, it's actually in the SPM result video which they're going to play tomorrow on Hair Anugerah on the GIANT PROJECTOR and dear friend, there is MORE than one clip in there. I am mortified. You see me hopping about, holding my pencil up as a microphone and all sorts of dumb crap. I didn't even comb my hair T__T Complete mortification! Sigh and the worst part is I'm going for Hari Anugerah tomorrow to receive my PMR certificate.

I am so going to wear a mask.

XO!

Time is of the essence.

2011-04-02T19:31:00.002+08:00

And time is what I really need right now.

I've got myself all tied up in a knot with my tummy craving for some froyo right now. Writer's block decided to kick in just when I needed my writing instincts the most and I feel as if my brain is going to explode. My back's all working up and sometimes I feel like my head is numb completely. Life right now is pretty ideal. Yeah, it sure is.

Who died and made you king of anything?

On a temporary hiatus, I think.
XO!

Ultimate depression.

2011-04-01T22:07:00.006+08:00

I am utterly depressed.

16 glorious years it has been. Each more fulfilling than the last. Each resulting in a little more frustrating darkness that can never be scrubbed off no matter how hard I try. These 16 years I would gladly give up just to go back to when things were were nice, fair and white.

What on earth am I talking about, you ask?

Oh bloody hell. If all of you know me well, I'm as white as white can be. Back when I was five and before things like swimming forcefully entered my life, I was fair - really really fair. Put me next to a giant roll of toilet paper and I'd blend in. I'm only happy no one used me to wipe their ass (Oh how perfect that would be!). I could have been a new species of albino for god's sake! I was tofu! I was snow! I was uh, cotton! And all my thanks goes to my mother's consideration for drinking more than a cuppa of soya bean everyday when I was sitting in her belly.

Well now, I have ruined her tedious efforts. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Much to my utmost horror, I have realised that ever since camp ended, I have grown a great deal darker. My tofu hands are no longer tofu. They're ... brown. Like mud brown and this makes me feel like crawling into a deep dark hole because the next time I see the sun, I am CERTAIN it is going to burn a hole right through me.

I tried sitting in the tub and scrubbing my hands like an OCD patient would but that was all in vain. Alright, I KNOW this all comes from something vile and evil called melanin. Please somebody if you have any way at all of removing melanin from your skin, PLEASE hand me a few tips. The sight of my hands makes me feel like biting it off. I quite prided myself in my happy ice queen state.

I used to be a whole load fairer and as every year I became a little darker, I tried to pretend that yes, my mama's soya bean still runs in my blood but now I am confirmed that the sun has sucked it dry. COMPLETELY.

I am depressed, yes I am.

I'm terribly melodramatic. Don't mind me.

I'm not honestly just upset over this particular matter only. There are many more factors that resulted in this melodramatic post of ludicrousness.

Well, firstly. I'm bloody hell stressed. The March test only succeeded in proving that anything involving numbers should be well expelled from my head because me and numbers - yeah, we don't go together. It is a daily battle between my two rivals - Add Maths and Physics - and I. Poor poor me without the armour to go into war. Each day I come home with battle scars and I want to die. Literally.

I'm trying to study. Really, I am.

Secondly, I have a lot on plate. My plate seems to be spilling over and I haven't the slightest inkling what to do. Starstruck! is important to me and now that the assignments have been hiked up to a whole new level, I'm pretty much at a loss what with my crazy schedule.

Sigh, please world, please be kind to this 16 year old who only wants to do her best in life without having to resort to suicide and also to just bloody get the melanin outta her skin because it bothers the life out of her.

Well, as you can very well see, life has turned me nuttier than I already am and that is not a good thing.

Some rest is much needed.
XO!

Frivolous frustrations.

2011-03-29T21:58:00.002+08:00

It is days like these that I just want to wrap my fingers around somebody's neck and strangle the life out of them. Brutal, I know. But does life actually give me a choice?

Today isn't the only day that's got me all riled up and ready to flip the finger. It has been everyday before this. There are moments - really crucial moments when all you need is a big breather and a step away from everybody else but some illiterate idiot would probably come barging into your moment's peace, hands flailing about and ruining everything by opening their mouth - and it is moments like these that I know I am really going to explode.

Sometimes, you just have to bite your tongue and keep quiet. Some things are just incredibly trivial to flip over about but it's annoying all the same. Sometimes I tell myself to hold it in, even if I'm bursting with a million scathing comments enough to blast more than a few heads off. Honestly, couldn't some people try being considerate? Responsibility, integrity and sensitivity - Have all these darned qualities gone extinct? Have I somehow just woken up in a place where no one bloody knows some goddamn moral values?

I'm no role-model and I sure am not perfect. Sure, I may lack my fair share of moral values at times. But from my perspective, some people just have it worse off than I do.

This is no selfish complaint about a certain person. Just a great big growing frustration at an entire body of people of which I have come to learn that you can never depend on fully. I just want to close my eyes, shut them real tight and hope my problems just disappear one by one altogether.

If I open them and the world is still as crappy as it is now, some body-ripping, leg-maiming, head-biting monster is going to unveil itself. And the world has enough of that as it is.

XO!

Prefect Camp 2011

2011-03-27T21:06:00.004+08:00

It has been three years of phobia. Three years of the same old ordeals, each increasingly worse than the last. But this year, the phobia is gone :)

Prefect Camp 2011 really blew away my big negative perception of prefect camps - that it only means torture, suicide and pain, lots and lots of pain. This year, it was challenging but these were the best challenges I have endured in awhile.

Maybe it's because by some unknown miracle, I actually shed my "No I can't" attitude. I'm all "YES I CAN YES I CAN" this year. I'm so confident and optimistic, I actually scare myself. I wonder just to what extent my optimism can bring me but for now, I have a feeling it'll stay. This year I didn't back out of the Obstacle Course. I was actually dying to try and whining my head off at first because I couldn't. The night walk was pretty good but it's creepy having to be in the front and trying not to fall, roll downhill, split my head open on the rocky ground and have it bleed like a bloody smashed watermelon.

And ooh, WANNA KNOW WHO'S TEAM GOT FIRST OVERALL AND FOR THE PLAY? Oh yes, that's group 2! MY TEAM! I swear our Phua Chu Kang-themed play was so hilarious, I had to try not to laugh. My teammates are awesome because the script I wrote for them only highlighted important parts but they made up a whole lot of crap that made me laugh my head off! Being Rosie and dressed in my super aunty outfit was worth it. Everyone said I looked EXACTLY like Rosie. Oh gee thanks.

And ooooh, wanna know who got Most Eloquent? HAHAHA ok maybe I did contribute ONE vote for myself but WHATEVER. Thank you very much people.

CUTE PEOPLE ON THE BUS YO.

All thanks to Naviin's HTC! Dayum, I want one now :D

Cheryl's fantastic idea.

Jeffie's wig that scared the crap outta me.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Honestly, camp was good. Benom Hill Resort is really pretty. I have an infatuation with umbrella trees right now and their pretty canopies.

And OMIGOD, have you guys seen the stars at night? Not the crappy crap you see here in town. I mean I barely see the MOON let alone a star here. But over there, I can promise you that it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. It was like the entire sky was littered with stars. I couldn't take my eyes of it. The minute I saw it, I said "WHOA." The stars at night are really a sight to behold. I used to scoff at people who go star-gazing because isn't it supposed to be boring? But the sight is too breathtaking for you to even tear your eyes away so guys, go see some stars now! :D

I'm really happy overall. Its been three years of disastrous teams and equally more disastrous plays that literally get you all humiliated. But this year is a good year and I am so proud.

Playing Rosie for a night - THAT WAS FUN. My mum's seventies pants are da bomb! Even despite being sleep-deprived and cringing at all the crazily gigantic bugs, I've had good fun. I absolutely love the prefects. We're all actually pretty close ;)

Anyways, some shut-eye would be good now!

Signing off,
ROSIE-LICIOUS!
XO!

Monday, not Friday.

2011-03-21T22:23:00.004+08:00

I wouldn't go as far as to call her a total horror to the ears but that was what I was planning to write anyway. Well in her defense, I think she's pretty and well, she's only thirteen. But the odds seem to turn against her. Honestly, WHO ON EARTH WRITES A SONG ABOUT WHICH SEAT TO TAKE? If your friends are LITERALLY kickin' in the front and back seat, I suggest you don't sit at all unless you want a kick to YOUR ass, Rebecca Black. And I may be a giant bimbo but you just increased your bimbotic level by a MILE with "FUN FUN FUN FUN". I'm sorry but it is the height of bimbocity to proclaim "FUN!" at something. And I don't know why, if she's so bloody upset over the hate mail she's receiving, her video is STILL on Youtube. And to her dear parents who intelligently paid $2000 for a complete flop that made their daughter look like a dumb troll with a voice that must have originated somewhere from the deep, dark depths of a sewer - well, that's just too bad. Nothing to get all incensed about because this is what Youtube's famous for. Youtube did Justin Bieber some good but Rebecca? Meh.

Even though the lyrics literally make me hysterical, this song was stuck in my head all day. I swear last night when I was trying to sleep "ITS FRIDAY, FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY" was stuck in my head and now I sing it on an hourly basis. Rebecca Black isn't SO bad. This probably would have just been a really terribly-sung song if it wasn't for the "WHICH SEAT DO I TAKE?", "FUN FUN FUN!" and all the other crap that Rebecca Black managed to incorporate into Friday.

Speaking about Friday, I have camp. And that depresses me a little. I think.

XO!

Discriminated.

2011-03-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

According to my mother, it is extremely terrible for a girl to be disorganised, messy, ignorant and to have little concern for hygiene. And of course, that girl is me.

Yes, my room looks like a hurricane just whipped it's way right through it and wreaked mass destruction. My study table is an entire sob story of it's own. My wardrobe - alright, I admit, it does scare me a little. Especially when I open my cupboard and everything just rolls out in an indistinguishable ball. And not to mention that I spoiled all three of my drawers due to an overload of clothes. They are currently hanging lopsided in my room. And yes, I'm ignorant. I couldn't give a hoot about anything unless it concerns me.

But the thing is, she said it's terrible for a GIRL. But for a boy? "Oh for a boy not so bad lah."

*chokes/hacks/coughs/dies.

So a boy is actually allowed to do all the above and GET AWAY WITH IT? Well, that's a point for sexism if you ask me. And here I was, about to write in one of my debate points that sexism WAS A THING OF THE PAST. Well, apparently not!

Don't mind me. It's 12:30 a.m., I'm cranky but I don't want to go to sleep because it's the last day of holidays and that makes me feel like dying a thousand horrible deaths just to escape. School oh school. Be good to me next week? :)

XO!

Complaint after complaint.

2011-03-16T22:54:00.004+08:00

People often complain about the fact that I often complain about everything. But I'll keep complaining anyway because that's what I do best. (It's also partly because I'm shameless like that and I don't care if you think I'm a whiny brat.

Complaint #1- There are only 24 hours a day.
Okay, wow, shocker! Like we all didn't know that. But 24 hours a day for me seems like a bucket load of suicide. I've already sacrificed hours of glorious sleep - oh sleep my one and only love - just so I can make time for other miscellaneous crap that keeps sucking the life out of me. I admit, I am one crazy schoolkid. I think I keep up a pretty terrible juggling act all the time what with all my one thousand and one activities and especially now that I'm a Starstruck! writer (not complaining) and I've signed up for a thrillion competitions, life just seems to spiral out of control. I just wish I had more time.

Complaint #2 - Being Form 4.
Well, everyone knows just how crappy this is. Add Maths? The first F I've had in my entire life. (This is depressing, I shall go sever my head now) Physics? Torture - literally. Chemistry? Let's not even start on that. So yes, Form 4 and all it's lovely miseries makes me feel like returning to my mother's womb. Sorry for the morbidity.

Complaint #3 - Procrastinating.
You should know by now that I am the World's Best Procrastinator. I'll tell myself I need to do something at least fifty times a day but I won't do it anyway. I don't even bother coming up with good excuses to make myself feel better for not doing what I intended to do. I just ... don't do it.

Complaint #4 - Waking up in the morning.
You must know that I wake up at ungodly hours in the morning. Said hour would be 5.30 when the neighbourhood is still fast asleep and the sun itself too refuses to wake up. It is CRAZY trying to roll out of bed at such an hour when it is still dark and cold and the covers seem so nice and comforting. I swear it whispers evil things in my ear like "Come back. It's still warm." or some crappy crazy thing like that makes it SO hard to wake up in the mornings. I've devised a new plan to wake up earlier than usual, get washed up and go back to sleep but it's still torture trying to wake up.

Complaint #5 - OH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I don't like add maths, I eat too much, I'm obese, I hate people who insult others just for fun, I hate teachers who waste my time, I hate canteen food, I hate my hair, I hate my lack of eyebrows, I hate camps, I hate falling asleep in class and yes, I hate just about everything.

That's because I'm incapable of love directed to anyone else or to anything. I only ONLY love myself. Yay.

Perhaps this is another of my sickly twisted views on life but my constant complaints are a sign of my extreme self-love. "I don't want to get wet!" That's self love. "I don't like the weather!" That's self love. "This food tastes like crap!" That's self-love too. Yes, I'm narcissistic. Try not to hit me with your shoe.

This has been a pointless post of incessant complaints. Goodbye.
XO!

Drunk on holidays.

2011-03-15T16:26:00.003+08:00

I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!

This is my "Dayum, I love the holidays!" face. Oh yeah.

Just to prove exactly how much I love the holidays, I'll photobomb this blog with my face and scare all of you away though I have no idea how the first part of the sentence actually relates to the latter but oh well.

Oooh, the holidays ❤

Think we're high on crack? We supply our OWN because we're cool like that, chyeah.

Alright fine, a fairly decent picture of me in case you all think I am a nutty sixteen-year-old with no brains and who goes to karaoke joints and blows of her money like that and doesn't give a crap about her life just because she's drunk on holidays.

I was the only one who finished my meal that day wtf.

Today, I am out of words because my brain is in an EXTREME holiday mode. I've finished all of my assignments and my brain is ready to hibernate. Perhaps forever. Yes, forever would be nice.

But the sinking knowing that school - oh dear school - will come staring me in the face next week telling me to drag my lazy derriere over is a GIANT DAMPER. Sigh, school and all of its uncountable miseries especially since I have a debate competition next week and a whole lot of other activities, my schedule will be so packed that the merest thought of it makes my cells feel like committing suicide. Oh sorry, they already are.

But wanna know what makes life INFINITELY better?

I just had to. TEEHEE.

And yes, I was the girl who squealed incessantly throughout the movie whenever Alex Pettyfer stared at the screen. Even when he turned ugly, I still thought he was gorgeous. This proves my undying love for him. Hello, Alex Pettyfer. Please marry me :)

Well, goodbye. I'll come back another day when my brains are ... actually alive.

XO!

Blow me away.

2011-03-08T11:14:00.003+08:00

Right now, I'm cranky. Even though I've slept for 8 hours for the first time in ages. (I am usually the very sleep-deprived kid who goes to school with eyebags, gets all hyper for the first few lessons and then completely deflates during the last lesson of the day and has to end up doing homework with her head on the table while trying not to close her eyes).

This morning I woke up with the most god awful tummy ache I've ever had. Sharp pains literally running through me and the first thing I thought was "GREAT. I lose an hour of sleep." Yes, an hour or even a measly 5 minutes of sleep mean the world to me. That's just how sleep-deprived I am on school days. That was approximately 5:30 in the morning and yes, I wake up at ungodly hours in the morning to brush my teeth and then go back to sleep. Hehe.

But thankfully, I got to skip school! :D But it still makes me cranky because the tummy ache has not left me and I have things to do at school of which I am not able to do. Aaah, eat me!

My favourite ball of fluff who bites and scratches but who is often so sweet, it really doesn't matter :)

SEE. I'm blogging again! Mostly because I have free time now. Okay, I lied. I am procrastinating. I've got to finish up my s@s board but I can't seem to get the measurements right and the sight of the blade gives me headaches. Sharp things scare the crap out of me. Somehow, I just know, that my tendency to be a giant klutz will somehow end up with me having a pair of scissors stuck in my right eye or my limbs completely maimed or something gory like that. I know myself and I know that I am HIGHLY capable of attempting accidental suicide.

The holidays are coming and that means I get to sleep in, gain weight, laze about and literally do nothing. It'll be fun actually feeling bored every once in awhile :)

Pictures from my handphone! I have decided my camera needs to DIE. Mostly because after dropping it a million times over, the quality has degraded by a mile. Waiting for a new one but I guess I'll just keep on waiting :(

Sad faces you make when you study :(

A hairdo my lousy, lazy, stubby fingers will never be able to produce *sobs. WANT!

I'll stop procrastinating RIGHT NOW so goodbye! :) I'd write more substantial stuff if my brain wasn't reeling from an overload of crankiness.

XO!

Guess who's back?

2011-03-04T23:02:00.006+08:00

This hideous blog is alive. Again.

As you can see, my efforts in revamping my blog have failed miserably. As it always always does. It literally looks like a pile of crap. (Not unusual) But that's okay because spewing crap is what I'm best at ;)

I suggest you all blame Form 4 for turning me completely MIA because nothing has been more taxing in my entire life. I'm busy 24/7and when I'm not busy, I'm sleeping. Or biting someone's head off when they wake me up for no apparent reason at all. I do my homework everyday (I KID YOU NOT) and yes, it still makes me feel like hitting my head on the wall while I do homework. And there are now horrifying and monstrous things called Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Add Maths to suck the life out of me. I have good reasons to be dead on cyber space. (I'm still very much alive on facebook and twitter though :D)

-

Anyways, I recently got picked as a writer for Starstruck!

What's Starstruck?

Basically, it's a pullout called Stuff@School that goes mainly to school students. It features articles written mostly by teens and/or teachers and from now on, will (possibly) be featuring my face and my essays! YAAAAAY!

And look who came out in the newspaper the other day? Hehehehehehehehehe.

I swear I spent the whole day telling everybody my face was in the newspaper. Along with my name. And in COLOUR too. My narcissism has been boosted and is now rocketing somewhere in outer space so beware of me this week, I am so obnoxious, I feel like murdering myself too :D

And yes, that is my Form 1 picture right there but it doesn't matter because I have not grown in four years. At all. Except that my head probably grew larger :'(

To SMK USJ 12 students, you can subscribe to Stuff@School for RM 22. It's a weekly subscription and arrives in school every Monday. Your RM 22 lasts 24 issues and my face will be in it and I SWEAR IT IS COOL OKAY. I only call things cool when they are cool *nods. (Haha wtf, ignore that) So if you'd like to make a subscription, you can contact me ;)

-

I just had my March test this week. It ... sucked. It was the first time in my life I actually left something blank. This just goes to prove how Form 4 has become agony for me. But that's okay because I'm going to study till my head falls off. Mostly motivated by what my parents said: "Girl, we don't have money anymore so get a scholarship." WHAT?!?!?!?!

My romantic idea of a scholarship now seems like a gleaming knife pointed in my face. Yay, STAB ME NOW. JUST. STAB. MEEEE.

In case you're wondering, yes, I have become more insane in the past few months. More insane than I already am.

See you guys soon! ;)
XO!

How do I choose between my head and heart?

2011-02-01T23:08:00.001+08:00

I'll handle whatever comes my way now so gimme your best shot ;)

p/s: Happy chinese new year guys!

XO!

Evil Monday.

2011-01-29T23:08:00.003+08:00

I hate Mondays.

Mondays are usually hot. I don't know how the weather somehow just starts to feel like an African desert on Mondays but it does. On Mondays, I wear my blazer to school. If you must know, I hate my blazer. It is the evilest form of clothing I have ever owned. It is too big for me. It is scarily uncomfortable. It has shoulder pads (the horror). It is lacking any lining so it's all scratchy on the inside. I leave my blazer all over the place by accident and have to turn back just to get it. Or in another case where I had to go up and down three floors six times just to check where my blazer was. And my blazer is a freaking oven.

On Mondays, the week feels like forever. On Mondays, I have add maths tuition. I don't like add maths. At all. On Mondays I know I have to do my homework or I'll have to waste time during one of the days of the week finishing it. On Mondays, all I want to do is sleep.

But this Monday is a holiday! It will be a good Monday alright!

Sorry for the extremely random post. Tried revamping my blog but I accidentally deleted everything. My header (boohoo), my cbox (good riddance lah actually) and my twitter widget of which is now blank after my extremly fail attempt at replacing it. Please god help me. My blog is fugly now.

I am not a happy person but I'll make sure I become one :) I am determined this year. Whatever I want, I shall get and I won't stop till I get it.

XO!

Send me away with the words of a love song.

2011-01-22T21:31:00.005+08:00

Psycho chick is back to bless her blog with her almighty presence once again.

During my period of MIA-ness, I have (obviously) become more pyschotic in the process.

I can't say if I'm back for good. Hell knows how crazily busy I am. But I feel really bad for leaving this blog to rot and die. I might as well have stabbed myself with a kitchen knife and it would not have made much of a difference. Yay to kitchen knives, btw! They are sharp and I like chopping pork with them. Hah, like I even know how to chop pork. Or anything for that matter. Oh did you know that I am REALLY scared of carrying sharp things? Exhibit A would be said kitchen knife. The alarm in my head starts wailing whenever I am in the vicinity of sharp things because I know somehow I will fall/trip/stumble and end up having my limbs cut off for an eternity :( Or maybe dead. Yay.

My ability to type a bunch of crap in a few seconds obviously hasn't died along with my blog. Yay baby.

Anyways, I'm busy mainly because of Form 4. Being stuck in pure science is ... whoa. Double the load of my homework! And I have this pact with myself that I would do at least MAJORITY of my homework if not all this year. So I basically don't have time for ... anything :(

I feel seriously uncool these days too. I mean honestly, I feel cool everyday. I supply my own coolness. I look in the mirror every morning and go "I love myself" and I am instantly cool. But now every morning, I wake up with puffy eyes wishing I could go back to sleep. I take one look in the mirror and go "YUCK". Yes, life is miserable. So I am officially uncool :( I do uncool things like study on public holidays and weekends and basically every single day. I eat a lot. That's not exactly cool because apparently I'm obese. (lalalalala) And the list of uncool things goes on.

I have a bleak future too. SIGH. My hopes and dreams have been crushed .... by myself. Because I don't see any point in having them. I'm just not interested anymore I guess.

Life is so blaaaaah.

This post is getting blaaaah.

I shall leave before it gets blaaaah-er.

BY THE WAY I WENT SHOPPING AND YAY! Okay so maybe my life IS abiiiiit cool. HEHEHEHEHE.

XO!

Hiatus

2011-01-14T19:04:00.003+08:00

ON HIATUS.

just for a little bit ;)

xo!

Goodbye 2010, hello 2011! :)

2010-12-31T23:25:00.003+08:00

2010 has been a year of break-ups and make-ups, of newly formed friendships, of learning my place in life, of discovering who I really was, of being true to myself, of making mistakes and learning lessons from them.

And 2010 has been a great year for me :')

The beginning of the year, I started off wobbly. I was emotional and yet emotionless at the same time. I was well, a mess. But somehow, I got my life back on track and I think I did a pretty good job from it because I'm proud of myself. I found myself in redaksi almost every single day, drawn to the craziness everyone literally radiates there. Redaksi sort of became a sanctuary for me to be myself and to be happy and actually drop the stupid I'm-a-good-girl mask for once. I met the coolest people ever and I sort of ... grew fond of them yadiyadayada.

I made tons of new friends. Me? Going to camp? Never in a million years. I used to hate stuff like that. I struggle to see the necessity in unnecessary things but I did go and I had the time of my life. I now realise that I AM quite bimbotic. I didn't know I was THAT bad. But I've made really really good friends who till this day, still spam the hell out of my facebook profile, haha!

I got into a lot of trouble this year too. My first discipline case right in the books yo! That's 3 demerit points gone but hey, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I don't actually regret doing what I did. (HAHA MY MOM WILL KILL ME) I'm actually kind of glad because now I know myself better and what I'm capable of and what I shouldn't do. I set boundaries for myself now and I'll not break them anytime soon!

I studied my ass off for PMR. Holed myself up in tuition every single day till I had nightmarish dreams but we all bonded through our common ability to be lethargic through studying and finally, FINALLY NOW I HAVE FRIENDS IN TUITION HAHAHAHA. I used to be a loner lololol. I went to other tuitions and we made stupid jokes and laughed and okay fine, I was the noisiest there as usual.

I met somebody special. It didn't last long but I've been happy for the most part. Like really really happy and I've not felt like that in ages.

And I got my 7A's! Like icing to the cake :)

So there's 10 more minutes left till 2011 comes. All I just wanna say is that, I've loved this year. Enjoyed it from the ups to the downs and never regretted a single moment. I really wanna thank my lovely friends and everyone who helped me through this year: the tards, the prefects, the redaksi (better known as asylum haha) and everyone who heard me whine LOL.

2010 has been good to me. And I've been happy :') Hopefully this goes on to 2011. Hehe, why am I so sentimental? I'm not usually the type to get all teary.

Oh well.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

XO!

Letting go of Zac Efron. Or maybe not.

2010-12-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

(Please ignore the stupid title.)

I've had my Zac Efron poster stuck on my door ever since I was eleven. It has been four years of seeing his angelic little face every morning and every night. And today, I took him down. That sad feeling that aches in my heart tells me I'm terrible at letting go. And forgetting. And saying goodbye. And I wonder when I will learn.

This is in actual fact, just a reference to my current state but YES, I REALLY DID TAKE ZAC EFRON DOWN OKAY :'( But I'm going to put him up anyway after my new door is installed. But that's the big difference between this particular situation and the other one I have in mind. The other one, is on an entirely different level, more final, meaning I can never go back.

But I'm going to be optimistic here. And well, I'm going to be fine. I hope. But nevertheless, regretfully or not, I'm going to move on. Or try to. Or something like that. Despite all the crap and what people would seem to count as 'experience', I don't really KNOW how to move on. I've always had hate or anger or SOMETHING to spur me on. Not this time. But I guess I'll learn.

WEEEE. Smiley face. I need to stop listening to emo music. I don't even like it! GAH, haha.

XO!

Back here and happy!

2010-12-23T17:00:00.002+08:00

After all the relentless work, of holing myself up in a place I eventually had nightmares about, having my energy sapped completely and becoming the most boring person I have ever met, I finally got what I had been waiting for.

Surprising though because in my opinion, I could have worked harder. It still feels like a dream because I was certain I wouldn't get it. Like yeah, completely certain. I even had a talk with myself last night saying "If I don't get it then it's okay, I won't die or anything. Okay maybe I will. Maybe I'll commit suicide. But that's okay too!" and then I laugh to myself like the psycho I am.

Anyways, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that well, I did it. But yay, 7A's. Next year's hurdle is gonna be a tougher one. Pure science, eat me up. Not looking forward to my fourth year in high school. I'm not interested in pure science, don't see how it relates to my career but blah blah blah, I'll do what I can :)

Btw, I'm not abandoning this blog anymore so do visit more often! Hell knows I need readers hahaha. I'm blogging for my ownself of course but if people appreciated it, I'd be happy :)

WEEEE. Had korean lunch just now, I feel so FULLLL! And I came home and K.O-ed right on the couch because of all the emotional pressure today.

I really wished my mom came though! :@ Meh, I'm such a wimpy kid. Hehe.

ANYONG,
XO!

EMERGENCY!

2010-12-17T23:23:00.001+08:00

HI I AM 3 DOLLARS FROM CASHING IN ON NUFFNANG AND I REALLY NEED CASH RIGHT NOW. Please please please please please click my ads!

In the meantime, I'll revive my blog when I've shifted!

WEEEEE, THANK YOU!

XO!

2010-12-14T13:48:00.002+08:00

I privated my blog for a really stupid reason, don't ask. Anyways may be creating a new blog or shifting to wordpress soon? Gah, dunno! I'm a lazy bitch y'all. School is starting and so is 2011. Not looking forward to it. A new year brings new problems and no one likes dealing with problems. Meh.

See you guys soon!
XO!

Rat-a-tat-tat.

2010-12-10T20:44:00.003+08:00

1. I want nice long hair. The au naturale, eternally soft, wavy kind. Not the serum-straight things that girls call 'nice hair' in sunsilk/dove advertisements but the really natural kind that looks good, even in the mornings. But why, god, WHY was I not given good genes that go to my hair? I have thick, frizzy hair. You would not BELIEVE how the bloody thing never listened back then. So every year I get my hair straightened but now I'm sick of it all. I'm quite sure that underneath all the straightness is crappy damaged hair. I really don't know what to do. Btw, my hairdresser ruined my fringe. It takes up only a quarter of my giant forehead now and I look like an idiot. Oh. My. God.

2. I'm broke. Okay fine, I'm ALWAYS broke. Even if I have money, I'm STILL broke because that's just how my stingy self likes to see things. I AM a stingy, selfish person. Parting with my money feels like jumping into the ocean at high tide. Like death. But still, I'm broke.

3. I want a dog. But my mom says I am literally unable to take care of myself. And horrifyingly enough, my friends say the same thing too. TELL ME WHAT IS IT ABOUT MYSELF THAT SCREAMS "NOT INDEPENDENT"?! Okay, I'm phenomenally untidy. My room looks like ... yeah nevermind. I don't cook (because I'm afraid of my stove okay! what if I leave the gas on and someone lights something up and we all die because of me? i would go to hell feeling worse than ever, daymn). I don't clean (that's just not me). I just don't do a lot of things. BUT I would do it for a dog! Okay fine, this isn't working.

4. School is starting. Happy/sad moment ensues. I don't know if I should be jumping for joy (yay no more boredom) or crying in sadness (boo, form four! T__T).

5. OMG PMR MARKS. COMING. AAAH.

More rants but my fingers are lazy right now. Hey, tag my bloody cbox. It's dead. Thinking of shifting to wordpress or something. I just am too lazy for the hassle. Heh.

XO!

Back to blogging.

2010-12-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

If you read my blog or even if you don't, you can try tagging my dead cbox right there OR better yet, clicking my ads because I'm 4 BUCKS away from getting my 50 and trust me, I REALLY need that fifty right now T__T

Made sushi with Jing Qian & Yin Ying last last week :)

My blogging mojo is back. Or at least part of it. If only people actually visited this site frequently, I'd write you a load of blog posts. But your lack of loyalty towards missmunchkins has watered down all of my initiative :(

LOL I talk a lot of crap these days. Ignore me.

So I've started up on Korean classes. They're really hard. Okay, understatement. EXTREMELY FUCKING HARD I MEAN. I thought it'd be a breeze and stuff but reading and writing just makes me think I have a giant mental block somewhere in my brain. My teacher even said my Korean characters were so ugly :( *sobs. I never had good handwriting anyway. My fingers have a life of their own.

Holidays are boring as per usual. I do stuff just to make myself busy. Like origami. LOL. And cards. LOL. That's just how bored and overly free I am. I have absolutely nothing in my schedule. Life goes at such a slow pace but yeah, there's only a month left till I'm back in hell so I'm gonna cherish it.

Speaking about next year, I'm dreading it. By then, I would probably have known what my PMR results are and I seriously DO NOT want to know them. And if I'm lucky, I'll get into pure science. But see, that's the thing. I don't WANT to be in pure science. None of the topics I'm taking up is actually gonna help me in my career. In other words, my career has nothing to do whatsoever with what I'm doing for the next 2 years of my life. So it just seems like a stupid hurdle I have to pass but it comes with no benefits.

Bah. Life can seriously mess you up when you dwell on all the depressing things in it.

XO!

For all the odd reasons.

2010-12-03T22:09:00.003+08:00

I feel homesick. And the ironic part about that is that I'm AT HOME.

It's just this weird niggling feeling in the back of my head that I can't ignore. Somehow I just know I don't like my life right now at this very moment. Something about it just feels odd, like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, as if someone just scattered the chess pieces of my life. And I can't help but think that my gut feeling might be right.

It's not healthy how I'm always isolating myself. Especially during the holidays. It's not normal to suddenly want to be alone when I'm stuck in a crowd. And it's really not normal to want tobe stuck in a crowd when I'm alone. I like being alone most of the time. I like spending my time lazing my ass off at home and most of the time during the holidays that's what I do. Alone. But now, I just need somebody. Not just anybody. But certain somebodies.

That's because I don't just tolerate anybody. And I suppose I'm not tolerable myself.

I dunno. It feels like I'm stuck at a dead end, staring at a brick wall impossible to go through. And it just seems like I'll be staying here for quite a while and that's what scares me the most.

XO!

2010-11-27T21:42:00.002+08:00

Stuck in my peejays. The ones I reserve only for days when I'm sick. This fever keeps coming back and I can literally feel my brain cells surrendering to it. Dang.

Honestly, I am quite an unhappy person. As opposed to my supposed cheery attitude and my overwhelming stupidity most of the time. Everytime I start to think "Hey, I'm kinda happy. Life right now isn't bad", my life begins to SUCK. I don't know how this happens but from now on, I am never going to say that again. It's funny how when I just start feeling content with what I have, the balance and order in my life tilts a little and everything tips over and then I have to start anew.

I also never thought I'd come back to this silly place. This is a place I vowed never to stand in again. It is a very vulnerable position, right in the way of disaster. But I'm still standing here like the giant dumb coward I am. Sighs.

Worry not blog. I have not abandoned you for tumblr! :)

XO!

itsminhui.tumblr.com

2010-11-26T13:27:00.002+08:00

Visit!

I'll update here all the same.

http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com

XO!

2010-11-25T22:29:00.004+08:00

Hi blog, I want to abandon you.

My severe writer's block didn't come back to haunt me. I just DON'T feel like blogging. It's kinda weird because it's been 3 whole years and I've never once felt like not blogging. I've been on such a long hiatus, I'm kinda tentative about coming back. My tumblr's pretty dead too. I had a tumblr somewhere last year but I deleted it and now, I can't remember how to use it. Ack, I'm such an idiot. Meh, what shall I do about this blog? :/

Prefect Night 2010.

I will come back. Perhaps to rant my head off to nobody at all. Does anybody even READ? You could try tagging my dead tagbox. I bloody hate the idiots who use fake websites to tag here. GO AWAY. You're ruining my tagbox with all your crap.

I make stencil art at home now. I am lifeless, chyeah.

XO!

Pathetic.

2010-11-18T19:22:00.002+08:00

I feel like eating myself up whole when I think of just how useless I am right now. I swore to myself I wouldn't be this pathetic during this holiday. I'd take up something, some sort of talent or whatever just to keep myself busy and not do exactly what I'm doing now. But apparently, none of that shit has been fulfilled. All that crap about holidays being about eating, shitting and sleeping I seriously am not going to bother thinking about. I've already been there, done that. I need something useful to do and I don't know what! :@

Please save me before I bury myself alive :(

XO!

Chiangmai Day 2

2010-11-14T14:16:00.004+08:00

Another seriously belated post.

Anyways, I only decided to blog this because I found out Day 2 in Chiangmai consists of very few photos. Day 2 was so hot till I lost my mood to whip my camera out. In fact, I lost my mood to do anything. I sulked a lot because my mom said no to crossing the border across to Myanmar (where apparently you can get A grade fake goodies!) but mostly it was the weather that seriously made me feel like jumping into one of Thailand's many murky rivers.

I am such a spoilsport :'( I am going to go to a bloody cold country and not sulk from now on. The colder I it is, the happier I get! :)

Checking out of our hotel :)

We visited tribes who lived up in the hills. They live in some sort of settlement and there are about three different tribes there. They're really nice people and the kids. are. adorable. And me, being the nice, angelic, kind-hearted soul bought them sweets, yay!

Do you see me melting?

The Golden Triangle. That's Laos on the right and Myanmar on the left! :)

We had a three hour ride back to Chiangmai from Chiangrai. It was the WORST three hours I had ever experienced. I had car sickness and I thought I was going to die or puke or have my head split open from all the throbbing. I felt sick right down to my stomach. That was after I had pie. Yes, pie. So yeah, the pie was having a very nice swim in my tummy.

Ate pie by a river!

I wanna see your peacock cock cock, your peacock cock.

LOL.

That pretty much sums up day 2. We did a lot of shopping that day. Shopped at Mae Sai and when we got to The Empress (our awesome new hotel), we shopped at the bazaar too. I could seriously be a really good shopper :)

I'm beginning to scare myself. My lack of interest and commitment in anything is horrifying me. I am not the person I was last year but I hadn't realised the change was this severe. Things that used to mean the world to me don't matter at all. They take up very little space in my list of things to do - if I even have one at all, that is. I don't have a commitment problem but at the rate that I'm going, I will probably have one very soon. I wish I cared more about things but in my determination to sever my bonds from my emotions and the things/people I love (just so to preserve myself) I have well, lost all interest in anything.

What have I done to myself?

p/s: Prefect Night update next! ;)

XO!

Happy 15th, giant!

2010-11-13T21:33:00.003+08:00

You stupid tall boy, your birthday was supposed to be in December! Not November! Was it ever in November because I honestly remember your birthday being in December and not Novemeber. And see, it's all your fault that I totally forgot your birthday. You suck, David Ho. I hate you.

No, I don't. I feel your pain being a permanent fixture on the plastic redaksi chairs or probably as some sort of giant decorative peace in the newsroom, but hey, I think you're one awesome graphic designer. Not because you're the only one LOL. But I think you spew out really good work and you're honestly a really cool guy and a good friend too! I'm sorry for all the crap I've put you through this year. You are awesome :) And I'm awesomer!

Love, Min.

XO!

Goodbye :)

2010-11-11T19:16:00.004+08:00

Things can change in a blink of an eye. And the amount of change that takes place in three whole years is immense.

I'm sad to say that I've always taken you guys for granted. Mostly because I knew in the back of my head that no matter what happened, we'd always have to see each other, meet each other, talk to each other and feel like murdering each other whether we liked it or not. On some days that is a comforting fact. On other days, it is an annoying reminder.

But today, it's sort of sentimental. I know I don't do sentimentalism but it's been three whole years and honestly, I'll miss you guys.

Every year, it's a little different. I hate this class sometimes. I hate their crazy antics and the way they never shut up. I hate why they have to do the DUMBEST - and I mean THE DUMBEST - things on earth. I hate why we don't get along sometimes. I hate why half of you are still gigantic idiots. I hate all of the Chinese bad words you HAVE to say and the way you guys like to pick fights. I hate how nobody ever bothers cooperating and how the guy's seem to have eternal stupidity written on their heads. But ironically, that's also what I like about this class :)

I don't think I'm going to miss all the disgusting dirty topics we've all talked about. But I'm gonna miss a lot of you. We're probably never going to see each other or we probably are going to see each other after this but I just want to say I've had a great time with you guys.

I've never given you guys much credit but I admit, you guys have played a huge part in my life. All the bad words and fights and middle fingers we've thrown at each other. All the laughter and the teasing. You guys were always pure unadulterated fun :) Thanks for being such a great class, such great friends, such great people to be around with :)

Maybe that last part was a lie, lolol.

Assholes. Gonna miss you all next year :)

XO!

New domain! :D

2010-11-05T20:27:00.003+08:00

http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com
http://itsminhui.tumblr.com

Back to Tumblr. Possibly temporary, possibly not ;) We'll just have to wait and see. Visit okie? :D

XO!

Chiangmai Day 1

2010-11-04T15:49:00.008+08:00

Hello. I don't think you've met me but I'm the world's best procrastinator. There's really nothing I do better than procrastinate. If it were a talent, I'd be wading chest-deep in money right now. (but uh, considering my um, height, that may not be a lot.) So yeah, nice to meet you. Do you want to watch me do my procrastinating thang now?

Anyways, I should stop talking crap. I think I spew way too much of it.

First day of Chiangmai, Thailand!

My morning face stuck in the airplane :)

Have like 12 photos of just skies, skies and more skies. Well, I'm sorry I had to take a picture of every cloud that I passed by.

Reached Thailand! Our tour agency ambushed us with jasmine flowers ;)

It was really cloudy and gray when we reached. Really cold too :) We were under the false pretense that Chiangmai would be cold then but when the days passed we found out (in the worst of ways) that Chiangmai's only cold in December T__T

Our first destination! :D

Pretty golden pagoda! But its under maintenance.

Oh lord. Meet my embarrassing family -_-

My fake overly-happy smile :D

Visited a hot spring! See that? It feels like you're standing next to an oven.

Made my tour guide take pictures of me, LOL. But I'm not posting the rest because I look bloody small in all of them. Okay fine, I'm not tall and I look like an 11-year-old kid most of the time but those pictures are ... :O

The sun finally came out! And Chiangmai has really pretty flowers everywhere :)

Yeps, that's me dying by the hot spring again.

White temple :)

The only thing gold there are the toilets HAHA.

Amazing attention to detail :O

The white temple is a seriously pretty place. The inside is awesomer.

We stayed at a resort right by the river. It's really pretty there, especially in the mornings ;) Went for a swim after we checked in and had awesome dinner that night too!

Right before bedtime :)

Anyways, I sit at home and do pretty much nothing these days. I feel like a huge useless lump. I go jogging almost every other day now to minimise my feeling of useless-lump-ness. I need to do something with my life. I never knew life after PMR could be this mundane. OH LORD SAVE ME @@

XO!

Sentimentalism overload.

2010-10-31T21:40:00.003+08:00

Sentimentalism and I just don't jive. It's like a donkey trying to ride an elephant.

Sentimentalism that's directed TOWARD me and from people I care about and who I don't feel like killing constantly, I am completely fine with. But seeing other people's mushy updates on Twitter/Facebook/Blogger literally kills me. I feel my head puking at the sight of all the crap and sometimes I just feel like they should seriously get brainwashed - in the toilet bowl.

I admit I used to be one of those idiots who would do all the deep, lovey-dovey posts in some stupid attempt of describing love. YES LAUGH LAUGH. I can imagine people saying "OMG YOU MINHUI WRITING SAPPY POSTS?" *laugh laugh laugh* Yes, screw it. I was one of those mushy people who had to say stupid silly things and well, it was never really worth it. My archives are well hidden from the world. Don't bother checking and continuing to laugh in my face. I have self-inflicted embarrassment for that T__T

So I get irritated seeing stuff like this. If you're a couple, its normal. But there's got to be a limit as to how much crap you can post in a day. SERIOUSLY. It's worse for people who are barely even together. It's just a load of puppy love and hormone-fueled-bullshit. And I don't see why a boy confessing his love in the most pathetic of ways is going to win the girl's heart over. I LOVE words and my life revolves around them but actions do speak louder than words. It's more disgusting though seeing the guy all gaga over the girl and literally drooling over her.

I'm also very private nowadays so posting mushy stuff is REALLY hard. It feels like war typing stuff like that. I don't even post emo lyrics anymore for fear of sounding mushy :(

The sentimentalism and post-couple-mushiness have caused serious brain damage for me. I literally cringe seeing stuff like that.

I realise I am such a hypocrite after writing this :( OH WELL.

And I have a thing for Kevjumba. WAI IS HE SO CUTE?! And his father is the most hilarious person earth. Please go watch all of Kevjumba's videos. I spent the whole evening lifelessly laughing my ass off. My ass is so numb now.

Will update more about Thailand soon. Nobody reads this blog so I'm laaaaazy :(

XO!

Cranked.

2010-10-27T22:35:00.004+08:00

I am a helium balloon. I even have a helium voice that scares the crap out of everybody. I am constantly happy, like I float on a big white cloud that never parts. And I do all the balloon-ey things helium balloons do like bob about like a big grey ball (and indeed, I have become a ball PHYSICALLY).

But when a helium balloon, deflates ... it REALLY deflates. I am devoid of helium. Just the rubbery remnant of a balloon, unwanted on the floor.

OKAY BLOODY IGNORE WHATEVER I JUST TYPED. Everyone's crankiness is rolling off in waves around me and I can't bloody help but feel cranky too! And I may have just killed a life form higher than that of an ant and I feel TERRIBLE. Nobody warned me that guilt would be this immense oh my gaaaaawwwwwd.

Quick summary on my trip to Chiangmai, Thailand because I'm bloody lazy like that. I'll do a more detailed one soon. If I am in the mood for it. Which is highly unlikely, yay!

Anyways, Chiangmai is pretty. The people are nice and it's not just about being a tourist that entitles me to better treatment. The people are generally and sincerely NICE. Even the old man who told me I was in the men's toilet and not the women's. Yes, shaddap.

We spent most of our time sitting in our extremely spacious tour bus. All you really do is just whittle REALLY REALLY FAST (because my driver seems to think this is some sort of F1 race or something but hey, I'm not complaining!) past a lot of greenery and shrubs, houses, little towns and mountains looming in the background. But mostly I had to concentrate on not dying in the car because there was this one time I practically fell off the entire chair thanks to my crazy driver and Thai road potholes!

This is what I see EVERY SINGLE DAY. Still not complaining :)

My brother and my mom are not my ideal holiday companions but oh well.

Daymn, now I'm lazy to type :@

Ever felt like cooking yourself whole? Then jump into a hot spring and get boiled into a nice hot death! I got dared to dip my legs into a hot (x100) spring and look, MY FEET ARE BRIGHT RED. Who the hell does things like that?! Cook their feet and pretend like it's FUN? Definitely not me. Yes, I nearly died.

Went to a temple that was white all over. Possibly the coolest thing. There's even Transformers and all sorts of stuff in there. Well, paintings mostly. But oh daymn, it is COOL. I think my cool-ness level totally got increased there.

Actually climbed up a steep hill (nearly cracked my head open on the dirt ground 5 times) to visit tribes who lived there.

Sat on an elephant. It wasn't THAT bad but elephant poop smells ... um, nice. And fine, I admit. Elephants are cute lovely clever creatures and all I want to do is hug them but they still scare me.

Fed an elephant! You can't really see it here because my mom is a BLOODY GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER -.- And I was concentrating on not getting my whole arm yanked off by an elephant who wanted my banana! Oh yay that sounds wrong.

Went this close to a monkey. Loathe monkeys.

Stood next to ancient ruins! (and now you will ignore my puffy ball-ness and all the weight I gained in Thailand)

Got brought out to DANCE a cultural dance in public but hey I went anyway cos I'm awesome like that. Please forgive the ugly picture. Should I repeat that my mom is an AWESOME PHOTOGRAPHER?!?!

Life is great and everybody should stop PMS-ing because I'm not having PMS now and it's only going to make my PMS term longer. Oh crap, I don't know what I am talking about @@

Please excuse me while I drown myself in my toilet bowl. Or try to.

XO!

Leavin'!

2010-10-20T22:55:00.002+08:00

Leaving for Thailand first thing in the morning tomorrow.

I seriously am not thrilled about this. I'll be missing our prize-giving ceremony at TM headquarters tomorrow. We got shortlisted and oh, EVERYONE'S going except for bloody ol' me *sniffs. After all the hours I spent voting too! We had better kick some ass.

So I'm done packing. Packing as usual was a horror. I nearly died.

Well, I'll be back in 5 days time. Miss me :)

XO!

Life is a misery.

2010-10-17T16:05:00.007+08:00

This is life as I remember it. Sweet lovely life :') It shoots cannon balls at you and laughs when you fall and it screams "I TOLD YOU SO" in your head and then laughs some more while contemplating if another cannon ball should be fired and the answer is of course a big fat yes because oh life's just fun like that and so another cannon balls come flying right at your face and you're left in a pile of ashes which to be honest is just AMAZING really.

I've had all my sentences literally dripping with sarcasm these days. I don't mean to be this sarky but life can stop pretending to be all sweet like that only to be planting secret bombs in my path so I can step on them and get blasted. Trust me, 3 blows a day is CLEARLY enough. I've not been this emotional since ... well, SINCE A REALLY LONG TIME AGO. That long time ago was last year and damn myself for thinking my emotions had packed themselves up and left because that clearly is not the case. Sadly, I am still darn good at crying. I just found out in the harshest of ways.

I shall stop complaining about being emotionless now because I quite prefer it that way. I don't deal with my emotions well because they're forever out of control. I LIKED boring ol' mundane me who wouldn't give a shit about the slightest things and could only cry for 5 seconds before she told the world to screw it and kiss her big phat ass. I'm gonna be selfish here and un-blame myself for being weak and pile the fault on somebody who was cold and bitchy as hell yesterday. You know who you are. Yes, YOU.

On to happier things!

Post-PMR outing with the 'tards and oh maybe even a male intruder called Wee Sheng. Gah. HAHA.

My first time travelling to all three 'tards' houses in a day. Cheryl's in the morning, Fui's right after and JQ's after sunway! Madness :O

I feel like I've not camwhored in a dang toilet in AGES. Is this what PMR has done to me? Locked me in my own home every single day and made me feel guilty for even thinking of stepping out?

Cheryl insisted on eyeliner for that day. Thank god I didn't claw my eye out or something.

JQ/moi/Cheryl.

Had Baskin's. Okay, so I'm stingy as hell and that five bucks I had to give up nearly killed me but nemai nemai, October's ending. POCKET MONAAAY.

My face: EPIC.

My head: HUGE. T__T

Anyways, I'd sit here and rant and complain over how phat my ass has become and how life is gonna be so appallingly boring right after this but that'll only make me another one of those shallow, whiny girls who I sincerely aspire NOT to be. Today in teenquest, I heard this awesome phrase that made me nod my head like a maniac all the while thinking in my head "YEAH". Unc. Vijaya said something about living in the moment, how the past was gone and how we live for the moment. Tomorrow hasn't come so whatever we have to do, we don't wait till tomorrow, we do it today.

Which reminded me that I had skipped my work-out session and that I am NOT going to postpone it until tomorrow. But the girls ffk-ed me when I told them we'd go swimming :'( Sigh, loyalty!

I swear I'll stop posting such shallow posts. My writer's block has yet to leave me :)

This blog is so boring so boring so boring. Sometimes I'm tempted to delete it altogether but it's been a huge part of my memories. Now be a dear. WHO ACTUALLY READS MY BLOG AND LIKES IT? Goddammit.

AND YUCK, THAT FACE. And do you see that. hairy. leg?! @@

I'm so pretty (A) Look who's not!

WAI I AM SUCH AN EVIL MEAN PERSON, I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF! :D

XO!

Life post PMR.

2010-10-15T10:35:00.005+08:00

Just in case you forgot how appallingly narcissistic I am, here's a big-ass picture to help you remember it for a lifetime :D

Thank god PMR hasn't changed me. For awhile there, I did go through a pretty insecure phase but like all phases, it goes away. I am back to complimenting myself on a daily basis. Yes, I am THAT awesome :) yay!

(I know you want to hit me with a shoe right now so just ignore that lol.)

I haven't thought much about life post-PMR. I did think of what I wanted to do but I didn't actually think of HOW to do the things I want to do. It just seemed so terrible to start thinking about anything BEYOND PMR because the usual "WHAT IF I FAIL?" question comes around and farts in your brain so that you smell it mentally all the time. Life after PMR just seemed like altogether a different realm. Pre-PMR was all just studying. Pretty much a day-to-day labour of lugging my huge ass to tuition and squeezing all my brain juice out and coming home half-dead.

So right now, I'm pretty much unproductive and useless :)

Since I nearly abandoned my blog before that, here's life pre-PMR :)

Taken on my birthday! I'm too lazy to do a full update on it. Pictures are up on facebook but if you must know what my lovely friends did to me...

YES. Blindfolded. Kidnapped. Pushed into freezing cold car. REALLY a once in a lifetime opportunity. Unless god forbid, I get kidnapped in the future. DANG.

Lantern festival with super cute kiddies from tuition! I swear the kids actually make tuition a little bearable even if they never shut up. And the amount of times they hit my ass during tuition ... I can't count it.

OMG DON'T YOU JUST WANNA PINCH THEM :D :D :D

Finally left tuition after many days of camping there. Literally. I thought ten hours of tuition was torture but the other day I tried a full fourteen. Was nearly dead by the time I got home.

Miss my tuition friends though! Miss eating and talking and okay fine, I don't miss getting yelled at but whatever :)

Amanda! :)

Jodie! :D

LOL the two boys stoned on the last day of tuition.

Mei Shun! :D

Don! Or uh, Donna.
(dang my face @@)

Sherman! Or rather, Shermaine ;) A long-lost sister hahahaha.

And my favourite kid in the entire world! Begged her for a picture but she kept squirming and laughing and ...

YEAH.

Finally got one with my eyelids all like crap and her pulling the silliest face. Omo kyeopta! :D

Now all I'm particularly worried about is what I'm gonna do NOW. There's just this big oozing amount of lifelessness that comes with staying at home all day and eating and whining and watching tv and korean dramas. Its not the most productive life and I did promise myself I'd start doing something useful after PMR. Maybe get a new talent or something.

But everything's on hold till I get back from Thailand next week. VERY pissed about Thailand because I'll be going on the day we get to go to TMnet head quarters to get our prize! Yes, our 1Malaysia video got shortlisted and DANG, I REALLY WANT TO GO DAMMIT. My heart literally. aches. right now. SIGH :/

Life. still. sucks :)

XO!

PMR over.

2010-10-11T21:37:00.003+08:00

PMR is over!

I THOUGHT I'd feel relieved or happy or any other sort of emotion that doesn't go along the lines of "I want to kill somebody now" but noooo, all I did was get pissed at everybody because they started shouting and acting like 5-year-old retards.

I dunno. Maybe my feelings have been abducted! :O :O :O

Or maybe, I'm just a weird, emotionless girl :)

Anyways, I think it was easier before this when all I was expected to do was sit down and study and get a damn A. Now after PMR, I am expected to be productive and useful and do something so I won't spend it all wasting my time at home. OH YAY.

Now I have to go clear my books and that makes me kind of sad because it's 3 FREAKING YEARS OF CRAP and I don't know where to put them :'(

I'll come back when I've figured out what to do.

p/s: me blogskin is awesome!

XO!

2010-10-03T11:42:00.002+08:00

The only thing I can think of right now is PMR. And just how close it is and just how much I have to study till then and just how dead I will be soon. No, I don't know if I worked hard enough. I wish I did though. Need 'em A's!

No updates till then. Wish me luck! :D I'll probably get a heart attack on the day itself and get my palms all sweaty :/

Anyways, I survived 14 hours of tuition! Crap, I am so proud of myself :D

XO!

So close and yet so far.

2010-09-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

Anyonghasaeyo! :)

Its 7 days to PMR. How lovely :')

I don't know what studying has done to me lately but I've become very phobic of a lot of things. Going to tuition literally gives me trauma already. I'm not scared shitless, in fact, I'm still very capable of shitting and many other things like hey, going online for hours! (which is, as you can see, not a very good thing). I just get enveloped by so much hatred when I'm there and all I want to do is tell the bitch to shut up for once in her stinking life. I hate her THAT much. My blood literally boils when I see her. This is not a good thing because I'm very instinctive when I'm pissed and well, my instincts usually are along the lines of strangling people or pushing them down a cliff. Haha. (I may be sarcastic and I may not be sarcastic :D)

And I'm so sleep-deprived that I am moody on a 24/7 basis. I snap at people and literally snap IN FRONT of people. A lot of things cease to interest me right now because all that it really does is royally piss me off and when a royally pissed Min comes around, the sight is never pretty. And PMS ended a long time ago so really, I'm confused as to why I am this angry. Sigh.

Anyways, happy me! K-pop seriously has this special ability to make me happy. Even if I don't understand half the techno, autotuned stuff they sing. It just ... makes me happy :)

And my awesome friends got me THREE albums for my birthday. Yep, nearly died of happiness.

Taeyang's Solar album! Thank youuuu Vivi omma! <3

Taeyang has REALLY good music and he's so hot :(

2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM! *spaz* From Jefferd oppa! <3

See, all the "I LOVE 2PM" spazzing did me some good :D

Super Junior's album from the girls! Cheryl, Jing Qian and Fui Wern<3

Eye candy eye candy eye candy! *spaz spaz spaz*

I know I probably could have just taken a picture of all three albums WITHOUT my face but I'm sorry, it was my BIRTHDAY and narcissism literally drowned me in it.

I'll blog sometime soon once PMR is OVER. God, I can't wait for that day. I'm so close but yet I can't taste freedom because there's a huge obstacle to cross and I don't know if I can do it :( Sigh sigh.

By the way, I changed the blogskin MYSELF. I am so extremely proud of MYSELF :) I used to be illiterate once upon a time :D

Time to study my brains out!

XO!

Moment of indecision.

2010-09-23T22:36:00.003+08:00

A very elongated moment of indecision here.

I have this mental debate in my head going on and it's giving me a splitting headache. My skull is about to fracture into a million pieces.

No, I'm not very sure if I should waste (more) time by watching MBC Idol Star Dance now because I'm POSITIVE I'll lose the link once I turn off this computer and also because I really really really want to watch it now. How fucking epic is an idol star dance? HOW FUCKING EPIC IS THAT? Unless you have all my biases stuffed in the same room and literally drooling over me. Now, THAT is epic.

And I'm not very sure if I should stay up and study. I was GOING to click on the MBC Idol Star Dance until I saw a bunch of statuses all revolved around studying and I went "OH BISH" and I felt this huge wave of guilt wash over me and now I can't take my eyes off the pile of test papers I lugged home today. But I REALLY don't want to study because I'm just crap lazy like that and it's 11 lovely days to PMR.

And I'm really not sure if I should go to sleep. I mean, if I asked my mom what to do, she'd yell at me to sleep because she thinks her daughter's a walking zombie and all that. I mean, I am. I survive on 5 hours of sleep a day if you don't count the few minutes of sleep I steal after I brush my teeth and on the way to school. I mean, after the holidays, I HAVE THIS HUGE ZIT THAT SITS ON A VERY STRATEGIC SPOT ON MY FOREHEAD AND DAYMN, IS THAT MONSTER SCARY.

But I'm tired and ...

OH GOD I'LL JUST SLEEP DAMMIT.

AKJWKEFHFGDVGDFJGVJFDGVRGUERIHGYRHVJRJGFRT

I am so failing PMR. Eat me.

XO!

Saranghaeyo!

2010-09-21T22:45:00.001+08:00

I love my friends!

Thank you for the coolest birthday surprise I've ever had. You guys are so awesome and I love you all to bits and pieces *inserts a million hearts here.

2 more weeks to PMR. Damn am I doomed.

XO!

Happy 15th birthday, me! :D

2010-09-16T20:15:00.004+08:00

I've not grown since I was TWELVE. That's an entire 3 years of my body's inactivity. So physically, I am challenged.

But mentally though, I think I've grown too much for my own good.

I am NOT the same girl I used to be a year ago. Somehow along the way, I think I fell off the wagon. I stopped being a perfectionist, stopped planning everything to perfection, stopped going nuts over the tiniest details, stopped wanting to change the course of my life. Somehow along the way, I let go.

And I think this year, I'm a much happier person. I learn to let go a little easier and I don't take EVERYTHING to heart anymore. As a matter of fact, I DON'T care about anything. The slightest things don't upset me anymore. And I've come to a point where whatever people think of me, I seriously could not be bothered about.

Before this, I wanted to be different so badly. I hated stereotypes, was afraid of getting boxed into that category. But this year, I think I really found a right place to fit in, where the space between it isn't too tight or too loose. I'm no longer lost or confused.

I know where I stand in life. Here, where I know who to count on and to be with the people I count on. Here, where I'm happy :)

Happy birthday, me! :D

(it is SO hard for me to be sentimental. ironically though, I'm being sentimental about MYSELF so hahahaha, that doesn't count. shit, i'm a terrible narcissist!)

XO!

Take this, bitch.

2010-09-15T16:16:00.004+08:00

Hate post alert.

I don't think a lot of people in this world actually GET narcissism or even understand it. They probably don't love themselves as much as I do and that little twinge in my stone-cold heart tells me I actually feel bad for their poor souls.

And by the way, has your mama ever thought you to never speak up when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about? I guess not. Well, consider that a lesson that I just taught you.

Here. A picture to show the entire world just how much I love myself and how much their worthless comments cannot get into this big head of mine.

Seriously? THAT was the best you could do?

You know, I'm disappointed in you. There's an obvious lack of quality in the comments you try to hurt people with. I'll simplify this for you since we all know you were either born retarded or dropped on your head as a baby. I didn't feel insulted with your worthless comment nor did I feel offended because the fact that it sounded THAT stupid and it came from a brain equally AS stupid makes me happy enough. I'm not going to care about it since it came from YOU. Your opinion probably fares as much as a pile of crap and nobody - NOBODY - ever listens to crap, do they?

So you can shut that gob and keep whatever crap you can to yourself. It only makes you sound desperate and attention-seeking. And no, you DON'T need to look any stupider than you already do.

Here's some good advice: start messing with people who has the same mentality as you do and maybe you'll find yourself less sore about things and having to spew shit out of that useless mouth.

Or maybe find a life. You NEED one.

XO!

Is it just me?

2010-09-11T20:52:00.005+08:00

I have officially french-kissed G-Dragon. Practically slobbered all over him. You girls can die screaming of jealousy :)

So today I had this weird realisation thing - you know that big whoosh that sort of whooshes over you and then you feel so whooshed about that it makes you go "WHOOAAAAA"? I had one of those whooshes and well, it wasn't a particularly good whoosh. I know that because instead of going whoa, I went "Oh damn." Which is never a good sign. Unless you're calling yourself hot or something.

But what happened was exactly the opposite and it's well not making me very happy.

So I'm NOT the most likeable person around. On other days, that would not bother me because silly narcissistic me actually LIKES the fact that I'm not exactly the easiest person to fall in love with, coming up with stupid reasons like "I'M DIFFERENT and if someone's gonna hate me for that, then they're boring" which is, now that I come to think of it, pretty stupid. On most days, I wouldn't give a damn what people thought of me. Most opinions that come to me, I deem stupid so there really is no point fretting over it. But today, I think maybe those opinions SHOULD matter because they're ... true.

I'm having one of those days where you wake up miserable and literally just feel miserable the entire day. I don't normally have these kind of days because everyday is a Love Yourself Too Much Day. I don't normally put myself down like this or calculate all my flaws and add them up and freak myself out because the result is horrifying. I usually compliment myself a lot. Sometimes on an hourly basis. But today, all I can think about is just how terrible I am a person.

I really am the most selfish person on earth and I LOATHE sharing. I try doing it. Sometimes. I'm self-centred and I'm only bothered about myself. I can pretend to be bothered about YOU but we all know it's a huge act. I don't hold back on comments and I don't actually have a mental filter so whatever I think just comes out immediately through my mouth. It's not actually the best thing around. I'm blunt, in other words and some people find that unnerving about me.

So FINE, I'm not a nice person. I'm not all coated in sugar and I'm not going to help you when you're in deep shit. I do sometimes but that means I have to REALLY REALLY like you. The people I hold dear in my life must have helped me loads for me to actually want to be anywhere with them. And yeah, I'm a big fat bitch who really DOES NOT CARE.

I blame it all on personality. I'm a blamer type too.

I think I deserve to be harsh on myself. I think most people see me as cocky, but really I'm just too in love with myself to feel the need to put myself down so I radiate all that OOH I LOVE MYSELF-NESS and then I get called COCKY. Okay, now I'm ranting. So there is no point to this.

I'm just not a lovable person full-stop. And I don't know why that's just started to bother me. In contrary to that, I actually have AWESOME friends who put up with all my flaws and I'd like to think that it's because I have an awesome personality :D I think I feel better now that I let everything out. I shall go compliment myself in the mirror later. Hehe.

I love my friends!

And I want to go swimming. Again.

And I want to chill at the pool. Again.

I want a lot of things. Like that bag I saw in MNG but I couldn't get 'cause noooo, we had to go home. I went birthday shopping today and it wasn't a huuuuuuge shop but I'm happy. Still. want. that. bag.

Despite that, I've had a massive migraine nearly frying my brains into bits today. I think I'll get some rest now :)

XO!

Slave week.

2010-09-09T22:32:00.003+08:00

I am sitting here typing this with a raging fever burning up my brains and tissues stuffed up my nose. Yeah, I look GORGEOUS right now.

Note the sarcasm.

This week can only be described in one word: WHOA. I don't even know if that's a word but whatever. WHOA is THE word. I'm actually surprised by my willpower. Or fine, my lack of it. But someone has got to give me credits for studying a whole 10 hours. I actually managed to pull it off without completely dying or withering into a dead leaf or something like that. But I think my fever and my flu really does say a lot.

Going to tuition from 8-6 is literally nuts. We only get one hour breaks to walk (in the lovely hot sun beating down our sweaty backs oh yay) somewhere for lunch. And my stomach being a bottomless pit NEVER gets satisfied no matter what I eat. So I basically say "I'm hungry" at least 30 times a day. I would get sick of myself too but I love myself too much for that :)

At the end of the day, I think I go positively nuts. The last half hour of tuition is spent counting down the time till I get to go home and just doing a lot of stoning (which I happen to be very good at). And when I go home, I don't do anything except eat, sleep, go online and make myself a few empty promises like: I WILL STUDY LATER but I end up not doing that because well, I have no willpower. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Now it feels like my head is going to split open anytime soon and they say taking too many panadols makes you retarded. I already FEEL retarded. Don't need some pill enforcing that.

Oh well. Life is great now.

At least tomorrow I'm off! And if the fever dies down, I'M GOING SWIMMING! :D But I'm never that lucky, sigh.

Anyong :)

XO!

2010-09-05T21:32:00.002+08:00

30 days to PMR.

And I'm here blogging.

The panic alarm HAS rung and it's obviously all I hear now. I even DREAM of PMR nowadays which is um, slightly disturbing. Maybe I'm officially neurotic now, I dunno. And it's slightly daunting to see everyone in hibernation mode. They don't even come ONLINE and somehow, that makes me feel guilty because I'd go nuts if I were deprived of Internet.

But I'm studying at least 9 hours a day and that makes me cranky and hungry all the time. I still don't know if its enough, oh jeez.

Yup, I'm nerdy now.

*sighs.

Did I mention that I'm well on my way to being OBESE soon? Have you ever seen my thighs? Yeps, they're huge. And they're scaring me. I'm not exactly mentally challenged (or maybe I am) but I desperately need a weight obsession or something to get my ass moving. I swear, I'm so inactive, my entire body ACHES. And my bones creak. SERIOUSLY. Or maybe that's my carpal tunnel syndrome. YES, I HAVE CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME. Which is the best thing in the entire world, really. You can go google it and sympathise with me and maybe send me flowers, thanks :)

Anyways, my TQG friends are awesome. I kind of miss TQG now :)

Blessing on the 31st! Sang merdeka songs and I found it kinda funny :D

Pei Kai and I wasn't exactly supposed to be there, ooooops :X

DO YOU SEE THIS! DO YOU SEE THIS! I'm tall! Almost as tall as Ke Jia! :D

I'm semi-retarded :)

And happy 17th birthday, Eugene!

Now I'm going to study. Hopefully, without slitting my wrists in the process. And I may have insomnia o_o

XO!

Where are my birthday nerves?

2010-09-02T22:43:00.003+08:00

My birthdays's in 15 days! Whuuuuuuuuut?

Oh jeez, I think it's FINALLY FINALLY dawned on me that I'm turning 15 soon. It doesn't exactly make me OLD but it does make me OLDER. Which is just as bad! I may want to free myself from stuffy teenager confines all the time but growing older is somewhere at the bottom of my Things To Do list. Or maybe it's the last one.

*whines.

I dunno why but PMR just happens to overrule EVERYTHING. Even the happy anticipation factor that comes with nearing birthdays! So I admit, I don't really like waiting for my birthday to come because I'm always expecting some huge disaster all over again (and I'll end up with swollen panda eyes that don't leave till 3 days after, FML) but STILL. It'd be nice to feel something. Or maybe my lack of emotion is doing this to me. I seriously am not the same girl I was a year ago.

So yeah, I FEEL NOTHING. Not even a YAY MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING.

Growing older scares me. I DON'T like responsibilities because I am SELFISH and CONCEITED and have been that way since day one. I don't do much committing and I don't like giving myself selflessly if I don't get anything back in return. I'm sorry but hey, I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON AROUND LIKE THIS. When I give an offer (out of pure kindness), I expect it to be taken. Okay, so that's not the point here. The point is the big one-five scares me. I think I'm old enough. Maybe a car should run me over tomorrow and I won't have to deal with this :)

Kidding!

Well, anyways. I'm not gonna write a wishlist because that's just very expectant of me. Not like I expect anything. To be frank, this year, I'm taking on a vow of simplicity and that is I will be satisfied if people wish me. I'm fine without huge presents because I find myself undeserving of them. (SERIOUSLY, I AM SO SELFISH I REALLY DON'T DESERVE PRESENTS, OH GEEZ) But WHATEVER. Maybe some higher power floating somewhere in the sky will grant my wishes SO HAHAHAHAHA, I am writing one!

Okay, maybe I'm not going to. I realise I want a LOT of things and if I were to minimise it down to like, five, I'd die in a matter of seconds. Sigh, no wishlist then but oh well!

Ooo, great another pointless post all over again. Well, g'night :)

p/s: vow of simplicity will not work if you don't wish me so you know what to do :) Oh wtf, I'm incorrigible aren't I? Feel free to stone me to a bloody death :)

XO!

Bloody hell.

2010-08-31T19:30:00.002+08:00

I'm bloody sick of this bloody writer's block. Someone bloody kill me because the only thing I actually like doing is WRITING so you bloody block, better get bloody movin' or I swear, I'll grind my brains into brain paste and drink it up myself.

I spent the last half hour typing and re-typing some bloody stupid post and backspaced all of it because it bloody didn't sound right and this is all thanks to this bloody block! I swear, I'VE NOT HAD SUCH A BLOODY BAD MENTAL BLOCK IN, WELL, EVER!

Bloody hell! I'm sorry but that's the only thing I can think of now. BLOOD. All over the floor. Blood from my brains once I wrench it out of my head with my bare hands right after I use a chainsaw on the entire bloody thing.

BLOOD! Now, hmm, I wonder why blood is not spelled BLUD because we pronounce it BLUD. Oh man, I'm not talking any bloody sense now.

Goodbye.

Beyond this limit.

2010-08-22T16:57:00.004+08:00

YOU MISSED ME HAVEN'T YOU! Don't answer that because you obviously have :)

I don't think having a mental block that lasts this long is actually healthy. I swear, that in the period of my MIA-ness, nothing remotely substantial has hit my brain once. I wonder if all the bimbotism has finally infected my brains and pumped it with air and turned it into complete airhead material. So that's slightly disturbing but hey, if it keeps on pumping, my head'll get so light that I'll float into the air like a balloon! :D Okay, so I think that's probably the coolest thing I've thought of all week.

Because honestly, thinking about PMR and studying is NOT cool. The only thing that bothers me right now is how PMR is only one month away. I'm not even fretting about my birthday! I'm pretty certain that my birthday'll suck, it being only a few weeks away from Eat-Yourself-Up-Week (in other words, PMR) and it being on a holiday. I really DON'T want it on a holiday because that means nobody will wish me! And that's really upsetting, yeah.

I'm gonna go about with a huge sign that says "MY BIRTHDAY IS ON 17TH SEPTEMBER. YOU IDIOTS BETTER WISH ME THEN" before school ends.

And yes, my birthday IS on the 17th of September and you will wish me or I will eat you up mercilessly. Bones and all.

So really, this post is basically pointless. I'm just bloody frustrated over a mountain of things. And all the rumours going around is pretty much a load of bull. Going on a date doesn't intensify things or make them bigger than they really are, so gimme a break!

But you know what's NOT bull?

Yes, TAEYANG. I've watched this video a million times and I'm still in love with it and I don't hate the song. Taeyang is god, people! Worship! He's so talented and that body is so hot, I think my intestines are going nuts, weeeeee :D

I'm going to retardedly stare at a wall now because that's what too much studying makes you do.

Anyong!

XO!

5 (valid) reasons on why I hate myself.

2010-08-14T17:20:00.004+08:00

5 (VALID) REASONS ON WHY I HATE MYSELF.

1. I make really empty vows to myself. I chide myself for not fulfilling them - really, I do - but that's about it. I'm pretty much not bothered after that. I'm a gigantic blob of self-centred laziness. Feel free to dump a huge boulder on me so that I get squashed and die a nice, bloody death. I think I deserve it :)

2. I'm fat. Holy smokes, I'M SO FAT RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT FEELING LIKE DYING. So I've always been on the plumper side but now, NOW I THINK I'M GOING TO BE OBESE. To think of all the chocolate and the cookies sitting innocently in my kitchen. Sigh.

3. Just popped a pill because YES, I'M SICK AGAIN. My tonsils are swollen (AGAIN!). My nose is leaking (okay fine this is normal). Must have fallen sick from trying to rap in the rain yesterday. I was being 2PM-ey :D

4. I've broken most of my principles. I think, if I were to look at myself from my view of principles, I'd be really looking down on myself now. I'm not exactly stooping low. I'm just going somewhere I never thought I'd actually want to be.

5. PMR is 2 months away and really, I FEEL NOTHING.

Trials AGAIN next week. Sigh, so tired. I have bad sleeping problems now. And I haven't received a proper scientific explanation on why I do and how to deal with it. And I'm NOT going to my mom and telling her that I have lucid dreams every night.

XO!

Cloud nine no more.

2010-08-13T14:00:00.002+08:00

The thing about flying on cloud nines is that the cloud never holds and before the breeze actually hits you on the neck, it blows away only to let you fall face-first into a pile of freshly manufactured crap :)

That is exactly what happened to me.

Cloud nine was good and fun while it lasted and it would probably be too much to ask for it to last a little while longer. So maybe I have a severe case of PMS right now. I wish I didn't because all of my emotions are oddly heightened and I feel compelled to go nuts over just about anything. But I'm sick of it. Thoroughly sick of everything in my life and I just really really want to get away.

I have enough problems so yeah, enough with the crap-piling.

I am going to do that isolating thing again. I need some me time and less time with other people. Too much company drives you nuts. THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.

XO!